Queen's Redemption
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Regina had cast her curse, but she didn't get to enjoy her victory like she hoped. Snow White's last stand causes Regina to end up having to go through puberty twice...without her memories. Enter Lal Mirch, failed Arcobaleno, and reincarnation of the Evil Queen. The curse causes her past to catch up to her. Can magic help remove the pacifiers, or is the price to much to pay?
1. Chapter 1

**In which Lal Mirch is really Regina, the Evil Queen with amnesia. The plot bunny stuck and would not shut up until I wrote it.**

* * *

" _I will destroy your happiness."_

She groaned as the echo of a memory she couldn't place flittered through her head. It had been bugging the hell out of her for _years,_ and recently it kept showing up more and more. She ignored it as she always had and rolled over.

Lal Mirch hated the feeling she got after hearing that sentence echo in her head. It was like she was forgetting something important, something that she shouldn't have forgotten in the first place.

It felt like a great deal of repressed rage and anger was unleashed when that damn curse hit her. Memories slammed into her like a brick to the face, causing her to pass out cold.

* * *

 _Colonello POV_

He was worried. Out of all of them, only Lal was still out cold. She looked like she was having a nightmare or something, and the pacifier around her neck looked all _wrong_. Even Luce, the Sky who had tricked the others into this curse, was confused by this reaction.

Finally he couldn't take it anymore.

"You can do mind walking, right?" he asked the Mist.

"It'll cost you," said Viper.

"I don't care. I'm really worried about her," said Colonello.

"Mu. Very well," said Viper. In truth, they were intrigued by the fact Lal was apparently having a _very_ bad reaction to this curse. She was the only one still unconscious, despite the fact that it had already been three days.

The others weren't showing it, but they were worried as well.

Viper used their Mist to delve into Lal's mind...and came face to face with _two_ women inside it.

One was Lal, looking irritated. The other had all the bearing of a queen. A vengeful queen who looked downright _pissed_ about something.

"Viper?"

"Mu. So this is why you're still out cold. Everyone else has already woken up. Apparently Luce knew this was going to happen and said nothing. We've all be turned into toddlers. So who is this?"

The queen looked irritable, but spoke up. Even her voice had the cultured tone.

" _Call me Regina. When I get my hands on that little bitch I'm going to wring her scrawny neck! It's basic knowledge that mixing curses has dangerous consequences!"_ she fumed.

Viper looked at Lal.

"You were already under a curse?"

"Apparently someone Regina has a major grudge against hit her with a curse right as the she had cast on an area was being put into effect. As a result the memories were hidden...until whatever Luce lured us into happened, and caused the weaker curse to break," said Lal shrugging. "I'm still sorting through the memory dump."

"How much longer are you going to take?"

"It's almost finished," said Lal. "Give me a few hours or so and I should be up, though I am going to give that brat a piece of my mind for pulling this stunt."

Lal had only managed to secure Regina's agreement to let her stay in control by swearing on her life that the _second_ the curse on Snow White broke she would cause visible damage to the brat as a show of her displeasure for that cheap shot. Lal was thinking of punching her so hard in the face that she got a broken nose and a black eye, which seemed to amuse Regina quite a bit.

Apparently Regina found being Lal Mirch "restful" and had been entirely unaware how _exhausting_ maintaining her rage-filled vengeance streak actually _was_. That plus having a childhood without a manipulative bitch of a mother or a passive enabling father (though at least Henry _tried_ to help his daughter move on) had lead to Regina gaining some long-overdue morals.

She still wouldn't hesitate to rip someone's heart out or kill them, but at least now she had something close to resembling mercy.

Both sides did want to at least punch Snow White in the face repeatedly though.

Lal woke up sometime around dinner looking incredibly irritable...which swiftly turned to incredulous and bemused upon registering the state of her companions.

"Have a nice nap?" asked Renato snarkily.

"Fuck off," she shot back without hesitation.

Cora would have been _appalled_. Regina was loving every minute of that fact.

"Any particular reason you had a bad reaction to the curse?" asked Verde.

"I was already _under_ a curse. One I didn't even know was there," said Lal crossly. "Stupid sanctimonious little bitch. When I get my hands on that stupid girl I am going to wring her scrawny neck... everyone knows that mixing curses is an idea only idiots pull! Magic _always_ has a price!"

"Magic doesn't exist," said Verde.

Fon coughed at that, which had everyone looking at him oddly.

"Surely you don't believe this?" said Verde.

"Actually... my clan has a special area where they raise beans that allow one to travel realms. Though it's been cut off until we find out what exactly caused an entire realm's worth of people to suddenly vanish without a trace," he said awkwardly. "The last rumors in the area was that a Queen got really angry with a princess and cast some sort of curse on the place, but it's never been verified."

"If you're talking about the Enchanted Forest, I know what happened to it," said Lal, causing Fon to look at her in shock that she knew what he was talking about. "Though locating where they went is going to be a pain and a half considering I only have a vague idea where they are."

"Enchanted Forest? Like the old fairy tales of Snow White?" asked Luce hopefully.

Lal pulled a face at the name.

"Ugh. Do _not_ mention that spoiled brat around me."

"She's the one who cursed you," said Renato, guessing mostly due to the reaction Lal had.

"Little twit hit me right as the curse was about to envelop us both. Woke up without any memories and in the body of an infant," said Lal in disgust.

"Wait... if you were cursed and ended up in another body, then what was your old name?" asked Colonello confused, but taking it better than she could have hoped.

"Regina," said Lal shrugging. "I prefer being called Lal, if for no other reason than my old name would be a bit too recognizable later."

"I would imagine so, considering the Evil Queen's name was Regina," said Fon dryly. Lal gave him a dirty look. "What did Snow White do to piss you off so much that you went on such a long revenge spree anyway?"

Lal winced.

"I had a boyfriend. The stupid brat went and told my mother about him and my mother killed him because he was one of the servants and not a prince like she wanted. I saw him die right in front of me... and I knew she only found out because Snow was the _only_ person who was aware of the fact we were dating. The idiot was old enough to know that some secrets are supposed to _stay_ secret, and told the worst person possible about it. Then she had the gall to say she did nothing wrong and that I was overreacting," said Lal in annoyance. "Everyone knew Cora is a manipulative bitch... the woman became the Queen of Hearts, for god's sake!"

Renato had an incredulous expression on his face, and the others weren't much better. Out of all of them, only a few looked like they remotely believed her.

Fon (because he had gone to the Enchanted Forest once when he was younger), Colonello (the idiot looked like he was willing to listen, if only because he trusted his commander), and Viper (who had seen Regina in her mind and knew what it was).

Skull and Luce looked like they were on the edge of possibly believing, but the others were highly skeptical and giving her looks like she had a screw loose.

Lal had no idea what to do to prove it to them she wasn't hallucinating...before Regina suggested that maybe a demonstration of actual magic would change their minds.

She couldn't pull out hearts just yet (not enough energy), but something else came to mind.

The trick would be figuring out how to manipulate her magic. For a "Land with No Magic", it sure as hell wasn't living up to the hype. Or perhaps magic had been mistaken for Flames.

Either way if she was right, the Viper and Verde were going to have a field day with experimenting with it.

It took her five hours to get even a spark of her old powers, and she quickly realized that the main trouble she had was the _way_ she used it.

Regina had used her hatred and pain to fuel her magic. Most of her spells had come from that source, which might explain why she had such trouble letting things go.

Lal on the other hand, had to find a new source. She had blushed when an image of Colonello in his real form caused a spark to ignite and she had to come to terms with the fact that as much as he vexed her with his antics, she did genuinely _like_ him as more than just a student. Using that along with her knowledge of Dying Will Flames (and unconsciously tapping into her Mist Flame), and she was able to at least make a decent sized fireball.

Well, she knew one way to prove magic was real and get the others to believe. Fireballs were easy enough to explain...but instant teleportation?

That was a much more difficult pill to swallow.

* * *

 _A week later..._

Verde was swearing, Viper looked intrigued, and Renato looked like someone had literally slapped him silly with a fish.

Lal just looked smug while Colonello was clearly convinced she wasn't lying.

"And you say this sort of trick is normal?" said Viper.

"Once I figure out how it works, I'll show you how to do it too. Small magic like that is easy and harmless... it's the big stuff you have to be leery of because it almost always comes back to bite you in the ass in someway," said Lal. "Pretty sure the teleport runs on some Mist flames, so you should be able to figure out quickly enough."

Viper looked rather gleeful hearing that. The sheer amount of money they would save alone on transportation between countries was more than enough incentive for them to learn.

"So what are you planning to do now?" asked Renato.

"Find my old teacher...though we'll have to wait until the curse I cast is broken before he's really useful. However that's going to take _years_ since I highly doubt I'll be able to fill the requirements needed to pull it off," said Lal immediately. "Once I locate the area, I'll contact the rest of you. I see no reason why we need to be so scattered after what _someone_ pulled."

The pointed look at Luce was pretty damn telling who she meant.

"I would be interested in seeing the effects," said Fon, surprising the rest. Most would have thought Verde would have spoken first. "That and I know my clan would be very favorable to continuing several old friendships with the people there. I never did track down the woman I was looking for."

Fon, upon learning that Mulan was in fact an actual person living in another realm, had always wanted to meet her in person. And possibly get an autograph.

Besides, the Enchanted Forest had _dragons_. How was he supposed to say no to seeing a real, live dragon in person?

"Actually I think Verde would be interested in staying there. I know for a fact Frankenstein was transported by the curse as well," said Lal.

"Frankenstein. As in the fictional mad scientist who supposedly brought a corpse to life," said Verde deadpan.

"From what I heard he was trying to resurrect his older brother," said Lal with a straight face. "Just think, you could have all the fun of trying to recreate spells and rendering the use of them pointless with technology!"

"...I hate you. So very, very much," said Verde with a pained expression.

He detested the unscientific nature of magic. Flames were _barely_ tolerable in his opinion.

* * *

It took Lal three long years to find the area where the curse settled. During that time the others had more or less drifted apart to do their own thing.

All of them save for Luce had come running when she said she found the town. In the spirit of scientific discovery and to hopefully prove the woman wrong that magic existed, Verde had "volunteered" Skull to go past the boundary line Lal had made a note of when she finally found it.

Skull had yelped for all of two seconds before it happened.

One second he was picking himself up off the ground from where Verde had more or less tossed him past the boundary.

The next he was rapidly _growing_ until he was back in his original size, though the pacifier was still firmly around his neck.

Staring dumbly at his own hands, with the others not far behind him, the rest of the Arcobaleno were quick to walk past the ward line only to find themselves rapidly returning to their true size.

Everyone save for Lal, who had a more _extreme_ reaction to the curse that surrounded the town.

Parts of her features merged with the woman she had been, as she filled out into her adult size. Her hair which had been a raven black became more of an ebony color that was tamed around her face and was a bit curvier. Her modest bust got an upgrade as did her hips, and her nose shifted shape slightly. Her eyes slightly changed as well, though the color stayed the same.

In short while the changes were minor, they were still noticeable enough that someone could claim a case of mistaken identity if they saw her.

"That...was annoying," said Lal once she got used to her new body.

"What the hell just happened?" asked Viper intently.

"I told you, mixing curses leads to unexpected results. There's a reason why it's a major no-no if you have a brain. If what I suspect is true, then I'm betting the wards around this town are interfering with whatever is keeping us the size of toddlers in the first place," said Lal.

Luce had reluctantly explain the parts of the curse she _did_ know about, which was limited. Mostly because Lal had told her point blank exactly why her mother in another life had earned the moniker of "Queen of Hearts".

The curse didn't actually turn them into children, just shrink them to that size, they wouldn't age past where they were at when it was applied and were not likely to get sick unless hit with something specially designed to harm Arcobaleno. Also there was no known way of _removing_ said curse that she knew of...just that it was necessary to maintain the stability of the world and the Flames on it.

When they entered the town (discreetly) several things hit them at once.

One, the place was _seriously_ dated.

Two, there was a sense of 'agelessness' and 'time standing still', to the point that the clock tower was perpetually frozen. Verde discreetly checked it, and it was perfectly functional but _something_ kept the gears from moving past where it was.

Three, everyone _recognized_ Lal and called her "Madam Mayor", despite the fact she had never been there before in her life. It had taken a great deal of self control not to punch Snow in the face when she recognized her.

Lal sank into her apparent house and promptly hit the liquor cabinet.

"That... was surreal and very uncomfortable," she said flatly.

"What the hell is with this place?" asked Renato. "It's like something out of the roaring 20's or possibly thirties."

"I believe part of that is because most of the interaction the Enchanted Forest had with this world happened during that time. Travel was more or less cut off during the World Wars and the curse hit sometime around the fifties," said Fon.

"Sounds about right," said Lal.

"And the whole 'madam Mayor' thing?" said Viper.

"I wasn't expecting that mousy little brat to hit me with a damn _curse_ at the worst possible time," said Lal annoyed. "And I did like being in charge."

"What's the deal with the clock tower? By all accounts the thing should work, but it's stuck," said Verde.

"The curse I hit them with is very specific. That thing isn't going to move until Snow White's child shows up and starts the countdown... they are the only one who can break the curse, and I know I saw that stupid twit sending her newborn here. Magic would protect them from the worst, if nothing else."

"Snow White had kids?" said Renato, accepting the bourbon.

"Right before the curse hit," confirmed Lal. "Didn't see the gender though. I do know Charming is almost certainly in a coma, considering he was bleeding out as the curse hit. Can't exactly remember where I stashed Belle though... I'm going to need her in order to hopefully earn some points with my old teacher. Don't know what he saw in the mousy little bookworm."

Renato rubbed his face in exasperation.

"You mean to tell me _Beauty and the Beast_ was real too?"

"Most fairy tales are generally from that land," Fon informed him. "Though some tales are in realms of their own, like Oz and Wonderland."

"Great."

"Well if the curse that keeps us as toddlers is partially negated by this place..." said Viper thoughtful.

Lal snorted.

"If you want to crash here, I have no objections. And as _Mayor_ I can come up with cover identities for you to use. Fon, for instance could open up a restaurant or something because the only decent one I saw in town belongs to Red Riding Hood's grandmother," said Lal.

Renato and Verde made pained noises.

"So what, the big bad wolf is real too?"

"From what I saw the Huntsman is the town sheriff, and it wasn't that Red encountered a wolf...but she can turn into one," said Lal enjoying their misery far too much.

"...Exactly how well stocked is that liquor cabinet of yours?" asked Renato dead serious.

"Enough to get black out drunk, so have fun," she shot back.

"Believe me, I intend to," said Renato darkly, with Verde following soon after.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you serious?" said Lal incredulous. It had taken a few days for them to settle into their old bodies, during which they had scouted out the town. Renato was less than impressed with Lal's naming sense, as Storybrook was a bit too obvious.

Colonello tried not to fidget...Lal would only slap him around because she hated it when people did that around her.

"It would look weird if I visited the area too often and everyone knows I was courting you anyway," he replied.

"You're seriously asking me to _marry you_ as a cover?!"

"Come on, you know I've only had eyes for you since we first met!" said Colonello dead serious. "I took a curse for you! How many would do that without hesitation?"

Lal was silent, but inwardly Regina was going over her options. She hadn't really _had_ a love life after Daniel, and had been too leery of accepting the idea of true love when Tinkerbell had shown her the possibility.

Colonello had no preconceptions about the Evil Queen, and had been consistently pursuing her despite all of her attempts to push him away. He was easily a match for her and was able to follow her lead without thinking too hard about it. He was very easy on the eyes was a major bonus... he was a bigger hunk than Graham could hope to be.

The thing that decided her was that he _had_ in fact jumped to save her from the Arcobaleno curse without hesitation. Even if it had failed spectacularly in the end, he had taken the brunt of the curse without complaint.

And to be honest, Lal wanted something _real_ that didn't belong to Regina in some way.

"Just... let me think it over first, okay?"

Colonello's smile was practically blinding.

"I'll wait for however long you need," he said honestly. She hadn't said an outright "No", which was better than he could have hoped for.

* * *

 _Some time later_

Lal felt like kicking herself.

Of course Belle would be in the "restricted" wing of the hospital. The girl took one look at her and nearly flipped.

God, this place gave her headaches. Mostly because it was clear Regina never had the chance to properly make a clean start from what happened. Too many reminders kept showing up.

Without thinking twice about it, she knocked the mousy female out and made quick plans.

Rumple was sure to be _pissed_ when he finally found Belle, but most of the damage could be mitigated (hopefully) if he found out "Regina" had at least kept her alive and had even healed her before dumping his girlfriend on the man. Then again he had done far worse and for reasons less pleasant than why she had kidnapped the brunette.

He might just pretend to ignore the fact Regina was the one to take Belle when the curse broke as long as she handed over the bookworm in decent condition.

First things first though... she was getting the woman cleaned up properly and then placing the mousy brunette under a chemically induced coma so she didn't have to deal with her. With the curse the way it was, Belle wasn't likely to wake up until Regina needed her. It had to be an upgrade from _this_.

* * *

 _Near the town line_

Fun fact two about the boundary line around the town. They turned back into their "toddler" selves after a random amount of time once they were past the wards, with no other ill effects.

Verde's annoyance with the unscientific nature of magic was slightly abated at this discovery (once again made by punting Skull past the wards).

At least the Lightning was mollified by the fact Lal had no problems with him setting up a lab, so long as he gave her a head's up about any...test subjects...he planned to bring with him.

As amusing as the idea of tossing Snow into Verde's hands was, Lal honestly felt ignoring the girl and her antics would be far more amusing long term.

As if Regina was telling her that she was so far beneath her notice that she registered as a mere bug. A bug she could crush at any time or place of her choosing.

A few tests proved that the pacifiers they had reluctantly come to accept as part of their lives had a "protective" effect when it came to the wards. While they could retain their adult selves once inside the town, the pacifiers kept the knowledge of Storybrooke and what it was from being suppressed. They could come and go freely without side effects other than shrinking back to a size they found mildly annoying.

Lal opted to stay in the town, though the others agreed to stop by at least once a year to visit. Colonello, more so despite having recently taken a contract to act as Mafia Land's protector.

Still, at least now they had hope that maybe _something_ could be done to fix their curse. Even if they could only walk around in their real ages in Storybrook.

* * *

Colonello was grinning like an idiot and didn't care who saw. Sure, the ceremony was relatively small and being held in Luce's mansion as a partial apology for getting them all cursed, but he would finally have the girl he had been in love with for years.

Lal was a tough one to win over, but entirely worth every second of it in his opinion.

He still snickered at how he had won her over... he had been helping to repaint her house and had "accidentally" dumped a bucket of paint all over "Mary Margaret", aka Snow White. Lal had managed to keep from laughing until the woman was out of earshot, but she had trouble staying upright for hours. The kiss she gave him had sparked a major make-out session.

She was in such a good mood over the incident that she openly agreed to marry him after a very long year of waiting.

Mostly because he had the bright idea of capturing Snow White covered in bright blue paint with a camera before she managed to get changed. He knew he saw the picture around the house somewhere, but he had more important things on his mind when he saw it. Like the dress Lal was wearing or the fact the strap on her shoulder was just shy of coming off with the look she was giving him.

"So where are you going to have your honeymoon?"

"Found this quaint little town just outside Boston," said Lal with a straight face. After what Luce pulled, none of them were _inclined_ to mention Storybrooke or the odd effect the wards had on them. There was no way to tell if she would inform the bastard who cursed them about it.

Luce had accepted their distance and annoyance with her, and hadn't thought to push. They might mention it to Aria, when she took over the mantle of Sky Arcobaleno, but Luce was on her own.

It was the talk of the town for a few weeks that the Mayor had gotten married, but it was hard not to like "Christopher" and soon most of the townsfolk accepted the Mayor's husband. Who, for reasons unknown had opted to take her surname instead of the other way around. Officially he had to do a lot of traveling for work, but he showed up at least every three months and spent every vacation day he had with his wife so it worked out.

The one that gave Colonello a really weird vibe was Mr. Gold, the guy who practically _owned_ the entire town, save for a few places Lal had bought since she came back.

One was a restaurant quietly being remodeled for Fon. He had apparently _liked_ the idea of owning a proper Asian restaurant and Lal had given him free reign to design and decorate the place however he liked. It also doubled as a place where she could pick up certain spices and herbs for her potions, so it worked out. Not to mention a full bar...the "Rabbit Hole" was barely acceptable.

Verde had a private lab just inside town limits, but far enough that most would ignore it. It was just outside the port, so he could have equipment and who knew what else shipped directly to the labs with little fuss.

Viper had opted to act as the town's treasurer. Whenever they visited they went over the books and fixed any issues while using their vacation time going over magic books. Considering the place was self-contained, they spent more time reading than 'working'.

Renato, or "Reborn" owned a coffee bar and the lone gun range in town. Though he wasn't there, he at least showed Lal how to use the equipment so she could enjoy a _proper_ cup of coffee that wasn't made by Granny. She had been ruined for life from the pre-ground stuff by Reborn.

His lone employee had taken far too long to learn how to make a proper cup, but once they found out the Mayor was going to be a regular customer in the mornings... well they had been plenty motivated.

Skull was now the proud owner of the lone theater in town. Verde had _reluctantly_ agreed to upgrade the rather pitiful thing after he saw the state of the projectors. They were barely worth scrap in his personal opinion. On the plus side, Skull's productions during the summer were a major hit with the residents who enjoyed the chance to act in the plays.

All in all, the others were more or less settling into the town, even if their visits were sporadic at best. Throughout it all, Mr. Gold always seemed to be on the fringes watching with a strange glint in his eyes that Viper felt very threatened by.

Lal was of the personal opinion that Rumpelstiltskin had done something to protect his memories and knew that something was off about them from the start. However he wasn't about to show his hand so soon without concrete proof... the man was smarter than that.

"So what's the deal with Gold?"

"He's the Beast, though he's better known as the Dark One. Not entirely sure if he has his memories or not, but he definitely knows that we shouldn't be able to leave town so freely as we do," said Lal, snuggling up with him. "I'm waiting for him to slip up before I bust him."

"So dangerous?"

"Very. He's worse than _Viper_ when it comes to making deals, so make sure to read any fine print if he offers you _anything_. He never does anything without having an ulterior motive that benefits him in some way. Other than being a manipulative son of a bitch, he's a very useful ally to have. So long as there's something worthwhile in it for him, he's one of the best magic users alive and often has useful information or items that one might need," admitted Lal. "I also heard a rumor he's looking for his son, who went missing. I'm betting if we can find the kid, we can get him on our side. That or a legacy that connects him to the boy."

She wasn't mentioning Belle. She didn't want to drive Colonello away with some of her actions when she was still Regina.

Colonello was silent, but the next morning he had brought a question that had Lal cringe openly.

"Hey babe... how do you feel about kids?"

Lal was silent, though her shaking hands were a pretty big indicator.

"Babe?"

"I... I'm not sure if I can even _have_ children. While I would love to have one, I did something as Regina that would have made having them extremely difficult at best," she admitted. "Never mind the fear that Cora would somehow get wind of me being pregnant and decide to manipulate my child the same way she did me."

It was bad enough that she had memories of an older sister accidentally unlocked when she got that memory dump from her life as Regina. A sister driven away by Cora who felt she was "unworthy" simply because she had been a mistake.

Lal couldn't even begin to understand how Zelena felt being abandoned so callously by Cora. If she was anything like Regina though, it was likely the woman was _still_ pissed about that and wanted to try and prove Cora chose the wrong daughter.

She leaned into his hold when he wrapped his arms around her.

"It's okay babe. Even if can't have kids the old fashioned way we can still adopt. I'd love them regardless because they are ours," said Colonello.

"Like I said, I have no idea if I could get pregnant...not that it's likely to happen _here_ , at least while the curse is fully active."

"What do you mean?"

"Ever take a look at Ashley lately?"

"The dish-washing girl at Granny's?" he asked, blinking.

"How long has she looked about ready to pop from pregnancy?" said Lal smiling.

Colonello thought that over, before he realized what she was getting at.

"Oh," he laughed. "I see what you mean. And we can't do it _outside_ town because it turns us into kids and kills the usual changes required since we're stuck like that."

"So at best we might as well adopt a kid, at least until the curse is broken. After that, who knows what might happen?" she said, kissing him on the cheek.

"Can I get a dog?" he asked hopefully.

"It had better not be one of Pongo's mutts," said Lal scowling.

"God no. I was thinking maybe a German Sheppard or a Pitt Bull," said Colonello laughing. "Hell, even a Rottweiler would work. I just want something big, slobbery and capable of ripping a man's throat out if the threatens you."

"Or pissing in Mary Margaret's shoes on command," said Lal impishly. Colonello snickered. "I'll agree to it, but you have to stick around to get it trained first."

He didn't have to read between the lines of _that_.

"Deal," he said grinning. Hey, who was he to argue if Lal wanted to spend more time with him?


	3. Chapter 3

Lal was lonely, even she would admit that up front. While she was able to escape the town for weeks at a time, the simple fact was that she was _bored_ and desperately needed a distraction.

Which ironically brought her back to the serious discussion she had with Colonello a few years back about having children.

He had gotten his dog which was a big, slobbery Pitt Bull he called "Tia" for reasons only known to him which kept her company most days. Thanks to the curse on the town, the dog stayed the same age as when they had gotten her and was perfectly well behaved.

( _A/N: Cookies to anyone who can guess where I got the name Tia from!_ )

If she wasn't discreetly stealing Mary Margaret's shoes when no one was looking. The number of sneakers the woman lost during work was easily in the double digits. It was petty as hell, but Lal didn't care.

Which got her to thinking... why not adopt? She had a big enough house, when the others weren't crashing there and she was very lonely when Colonello wasn't around.

With that in mind, she went just outside the town limits (the wards played merry hell with cell reception for some reason) and called Colonello.

" _Yo babe. What's up?"_

"I was thinking... remember that conversation we had a few years back, before you got Tia?"

Silence, before Colonello spoke again.

" _I do. So you're interested in finding a sprog for us to raise?"_

"Well _something_ has to keep me company other than the dog when you're gone. Besides, I'm bored out of my damn mind and if I get one more 'job offer' from that idiot in CEDEF I am going to shoot something," said Lal dead serious.

She was running an entire town. She had no interest in playing babysitter to a glorified _man-child_ who for some reason had Sky Flames and no Guardians. Sawada seemed to take it personally that someone so good at "going off the radar" kept turning down his offers, while at the same time had more up-to-date information on what was happening in the mafia than _he_ did.

Colonello snickered at that.

" _Why don't we talk about this in person. If only so we can get the paperwork done together once you find a place to adopt from,"_ suggested Colonello.

"I'll get the paperwork from Gold. Might as well put his skills to _some_ use," said Lal.

Gold was still as cryptic and creepy as ever, but he did give her the paperwork. Somehow she had the feeling this might turn into a headache later, but that was usual when it came to dealing with him.

* * *

 _On Mafia Land..._

Colonello kissed his wife the second he saw her.

"So you're ready to adopt?" he asked.

"Do you have _any_ idea how boring it is in that town?" countered Lal.

Colonello laughed.

"Point. Besides, this would give me the perfect excuse to get a temporary contract...only idiots attack this place and the security is decent enough. They would only need a refresher course every once in a while to stay effective. Maybe show up during the summer seasons with you and the kid to give them hell."

He was _not_ sticking around Mafia Land. What had started out as an interesting job had become boring as hell in recent years. Spending time with Lal raising a kid sounded like a fine way to spice things up in his life. Besides, he missed that slobbering mutt of a dog of his.

The only issue was that every time they left the town limits they turned into children. There was no way any sane person would hand over a kid to people who looked like kids themselves.

"...Body doubles?" asked Colonello seriously.

"More like I'm paying Viper to make copies of us to go to the agency and bring the kid to Storybrooke. That or we adopt from the mafia," said Lal flatly.

Viper not only agreed to help, but they gave Lal a massive discount. After all, Lal had given them a place where they could be partially free of the damn curse and more hope than Verde had with his research.

Gold was good to his word... it only took him a month to find an agency and start the adoption process. Good thing the curse came back with a spotless background check, and Colonello's ex-military record only said good things about him.

Holding that tiny bundle in her arms for the first time evoked feelings she never thought possible.

"What are we going to call him?" asked Colonello.

"I was thinking Henry, after my father," said Lal.

"Hmm... How about Christopher or Adrien?"

"Henry Adrien Mills?" she said wryly. "If only so he becomes as big a 'ham' as his ridiculous father?"

Colonello snorted at the joke.

"We can only hope," he said grinning. The kid was adorable already... who knew what he would look like when he was older?

* * *

It was as Lal left the town limits to share the good news that they adopted a kid (which meant Henry would have several very overprotective uncles, an aunt and whatever gender Viper felt like being at the moment), that she found a text which had her growling.

How the hell did that jackass Sawada find her personal number? More importantly how the fuck did he know she had just adopted a kid when Shamal just picked Henry up from the agency disguised as Colonello?

Her limited patience with the braying jackass that was Iemitsu Sawada snapped like a brittle twig. She was sick and tired of his attempts to 'hire' her. She wasn't going to risk Henry's safety because that arrogant bastard wanted her to work for him!

It was time to make her opinion of that nuisance very clear.

"Colonello, can you watch Henry? I have a...pest problem...to deal with," growled Lal.

"Do you need any help?" asked Colonello.

"See if Falco will listen to me. I intend to make my point _very_ clear to a certain asshole Sky," said Lal flatly.

"What did that jackass do?" asked Colonello growling. Lal passed over her phone and two seconds later Colonello was whistling for his animal partner.

He knew Sawada had been courting Lal, who had made it abundantly clear on multiple occasions she wasn't interested in him or his 'job offer' which basically amounted to a glorified babysitter for the man. He bothered her every time she left town, which was why she didn't really mind overly much about the fact Storybrook played merry hell with the reception and meant you had to leave the town limits to make a call without it suddenly being dropped. And forget trying to locate it on satellites... Verde had checked and all you could see from the sky was a blacked out area that was registered as "private property".

So seeing a text on _Lal's_ phone from an Italian number that said "Congratulations for your new addition!" with ridiculous smiley faces when the ONLY people who had been personally told of what they were planning were the other Arcobaleno... well he perfectly understood why Lal was very pissed off and in the mood to murder the bastard. The jackass wasn't known for keeping his mouth shut and if he started talking about them having a kid it would only put Henry in danger every time he left the town.

If he didn't need to stay behind and watch their new son, he would have gladly joined her.

"Have fun giving that asshole a reminder to keep his mouth shut, babe," said Colonello kissing her.

"Good riddance," said Shamal. "Want me to give the kid a general check up while you're gone?"

"Please. Hiring you as the head of the hospital was the best move I've ever made," said Lal.

Trident Shamal was a friend of Reborn's and was getting tired of being hired out as an assassin. That and he needed a place to lay low since Tyr apparently wasn't happy with his flat "No Thanks" to the idea of being Varia.

Reborn knew under Shamal's perverted exterior was a man who genuinely wanted to help others. It was why he had become a doctor to begin with. Unfortunately thanks to his unique skill set and the fact he had a Mist flame, he was more often than not hired out as a hit man than a healer. A fact that drove him to drink most nights.

So when Lal offered to hire the "perverted doctor" as the new head of the small hospital in Storybrook, where he could make a clean slate _and_ treat others without having to worry about hiding his skills from the people in charge... well, Shamal had jumped at the chance.

Once he got over the shock of seeing Reborn suddenly turn back into an adult and learning the story behind the town, Shamal quickly settled in to his new home. Even if Dr. Whale was less than happy about having to hand over his position to an outsider, Lal was Mayor and part of the Board of Directors who all agreed to give Shamal a chance.

On the plus side, the sexual harassment complaints dropped once Shamal got used to his new role and found he didn't have to distract himself from how he paid his bills before.

He still flirted with anything that had two legs and a pair of breasts, but it wasn't nearly as offensive as before...of course that could be because Lal threatened to burn his balls off while holding an actual fireball in her hand when she gave him a "polite" warning.

Lal made sure Falco was on her shoulder when she went past town limits...and teleported out of Maine and into Italy.

She was going to give Sawada a piece of her mind that would either stick or better yet, kill the bastard.

* * *

The first clue something terrible was about to happen came when someone recognized Lal Mirch of the Arcobaleno outside headquarters.

Oregano was the only one brave enough to go near the woman who was exuding an alarming amount of Cloud flames and looking about ready to go on a rampage.

"May I help you?"

"Where is your boss? I want to have words about him and his stalking problem," said Lal with terrifying calm. Considering anyone with brains could see she was channeling her Cloud flames, it was clear Sawada had done something to royally piss her off.

"One moment."

Oregano took out her comms and called her boss who was trying to play hookie from the paperwork.

"Boss... have you been stalking Lal Mirch of the Arcobaleno recently?"

" _Ahahaha! I heard she had a kid recently, so I sent her a text to congratulate her!"_ said Sawada.

Oregano winced. Lal Mirch's rage was perfectly justified then.

"And how exactly do you know she has a child now?"

" _I flagged anything to do with Colonello. He came up in a background check,"_ said Sawada.

"..." Oregano was speechless. She knew he was an idiot, but this took things to a new low. She then turned to the pissed off female and stood aside. "If the Vongola asks, I'll tell them it was absolutely justified."

"Thanks. Where is he at now?"

"Boss, where are you now? I have a delivery from Vongola Nono," she lied.

Oregano plead ignorance as Lal listened to the speaker and promptly made her way to the tenth floor.

No one would speak of what Lal did to Iemitsu, but he finally quit harassing her. On an unrelated note, the Vongola _did_ send an apology gift when they found out the full extent of why Lal Mirch had nearly killed their External Adviser.

Or rather Daniela did before giving Iemitsu the riot act for harassing a woman when she made it damn clear she wasn't interested on multiple occasions. Especially when she found out exactly _how_ Iemitsu had learned of the fact she had recently adopted a child. He poked a mother dragon and got what he deserved.

* * *

It didn't take much for the Arcobaleno to visit the town in a group...including Aria, who was quite eager to be an aunt. She shuddered once she was past the town limits, as the sensation of the curse being temporarily suppressed was a very unusual one.

"He's soooo cute!" squealed Aria.

"What's his name?" asked Skull, poking at the kid.

"Henry Adrien Mills. With any luck he'll be just as big a 'ham' as his idiot father," said Lal. "Coincidentally everyone except Verde is allowed to babysit when they want."

They had done it for Aria, and she wasn't about to stop them from doing the same for Henry.

"Does this mean we get to corrupt him?" asked Reborn, eyes glinting with amusement.

"It means I will not care if you happen to act as his home tutor when he's older. No son of mine will ever have grades that drop below a 'C'," said Lal smirking. "Besides, if he can survive _our_ insanity, he'll be able to take anything the magical realms can throw at him later."

Skull snickered at that.

"Can I hold him?" asked Aria hopefully. Lal handed her the infant and the girl cooed.

"So what why were you in Italy earlier?" asked Verde. Lal looked at him. "Your phone pinged off my sensors."

Lal pulled up the text and handed it to Reborn.

"This is CEDEF's number. Who the hell was stupid enough to send this?"

"Sawada," said Lal flatly.

Reborn stared at her.

" _You're_ the one who put that jackass in the ICU and damn near neutered him? I heard that the Ottavo almost strangled him barehanded for whatever he did to land there!"

"Apparently the asshole had Colonello flagged. When his name came up in a background check, he figured out what was going on and sent me that when the paperwork went through. His own subordinate helped me when she found out why I was there."

"He deserved it then," said Viper flatly.

It wasn't like anyone actually _liked_ Sawada. The only reason he hadn't been iced before now was because he was the Vongola's External Adviser.

"Did you at least take pictures?" asked Reborn grinning.

Lal smirked, before handing over her camera.

"Why didn't you say you took pictures?" said Colonello pouting.

"You didn't ask."


	4. Chapter 4

Henry Mills loved his family, even if it was beyond weird. His mom ran the town, and his dad was a big goof.

And then there was his "uncles" and the aunt who rarely visited. The only one he saw with any consistency was Uncle Fon, and that was because he moved to town in order to raise his own adopted daughter I-Pin, who was a martial arts prodigy. Apparently whoever his uncle worked for before had done something to anger him to the point he had to avoid them for a while.

(Lal agreed to let him stick around after finding out that one of the Triads had threatened I-Pin to get to Fon, and that he had opted to "disappear" for a while so they spent more time trying to find him than bothering his family in Japan. After he annihilated said Triad stupid enough to hold his adopted daughter hostage in the first place.)

So when his favorite teacher found a book that she knew he'd enjoy reading, he had no idea of the fact it would act as a catalyst to some major changes in the town.

Mary Margaret knew the Mayor's stance on fairy tales...namely that she refused outright to let Henry read them.

Lal Mirch despised _Disney_ and would use the VHS copies of "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" as target practice for her sniper rifle...she found it incredibly cathartic. Colonello found it hilarious as _he_ was usually the one throwing the tapes in the air like a clay pigeon for his wife to blow into pieces.

"What you got there little man?" asked Christopher, ruffling his son's hair.

Henry still didn't know why his mother or his uncles all called his dad "Colonello".

"My teacher gave it to me. She seemed to think it would be good for me," said Henry.

His dad took one look at the contents and winced.

"Yeah... let's keep this from your mom until I have a better idea which version it's about."

"Why does mom hate fairy tales anyway?"

"Most of the current books tend to whitewash the more 'gritty' details. And they never get the whole story right. Besides, she leads you read the 'Brothers Grimm' books doesn't she?"

Henry nodded, turning the page.

"Hey, this woman kinda looks like my teacher!"

His dad blinked and looked at it.

"Huh... it really does. Weird."

In fact the more they skimmed the book, the more his dad started to get a really weird look on his face. Henry didn't know it, but his dad borrowed the hardback book once he was sound asleep for the night.

"Babe, you might want to have a look at this," said Colonello.

"What is it?"

"Henry said Mary Margaret found this in her closet and she loaned it to him," said Colonello.

Lal took the book from his hands, opened it up to a few pages in...and damn near dropped the thing from shock. There, staring back at her on the page was the Evil Queen.

"You said that twit gave this to him?" she said seriously.

"Yeah. What do we do about this?"

Lal skimmed the text and her eyes widened even more as she realized what this was.

"I heard rumors about this thing, but I never thought it was real. A book that contains _all_ the stories of the Enchanted Forest as they actually happened, not the whitewashed version that are around here."

"Wait... so that chick in black..." started Colonello with wide eyes.

"Is what I used to look like before that idiot hit me with a curse," said Lal.

Colonello looked at the Evil Queen before he gave a wolf whistle.

"Damn babe, even when you were evil you were hot as hell!"

"Shut up, idiota!" she said blushing.

"So what do we do about the book?"

"Keep an eye on Henry. I have the feeling this is the opening act to the curse being broken," said Lal. "If I'm right, then it's going to be a total headache later."

"So make sure to have the trackers in Henry's clothing active at all times, got it," said Colonello.

There was paranoia, then there was being prepared. And all of Henry's clothing and his backpack had trackers discreetly sewn in that would go off if he even stepped _one_ foot over the town line. It wouldn't take much for them to find him if that happened, or follow from a discreet distance. Colonello in particular was good at tracking his son, who still had no idea about their odd curse.

It was only because of her paranoia that they were fully prepared when Henry's tracker suddenly went nuts. He was outside the city limits and making steady progress _away_ from town.

Lal had his computer hacked in an hour and she was fuming.

"What was his class working on again?" she asked.

They had told Henry he was adopted when he was old enough to understand the information. He had taken it well enough, mostly because it had been so soon after meeting Fon's daughter I-Pin. They had used it as an excuse to bond.

So finding a site dedicated to helping people find their _birth_ parents after an adoption was made had Lal angry and hurt.

Henry knew they loved him as if he were their own, so why did he go looking for his birth mother _now_ of all times?!

"I think it was something to do with family, not too sure," said Colonello frowning.

Lal was already dialing Fon. Within minutes he called back.

" _They were doing a genealogy report. A way to help kids learn where they come from,"_ Fon replied.

Lal cursed. Damn that Mary Margaret... she was going to give that fool a tongue-lashing once Henry was safe at home again. Though that wasn't going to stop her from grounding her son.

"Colonello..."

"On it babe. I'll keep an eye on the runt and intervene if anything happens. With any luck he'll get tired and come home on his own, though he's still in trouble for not saying anything," said Colonello.

If he wanted to meet his birth mom, then he should have just _asked_. They could have arranged a meeting after Lal and Colonello had a chance to see what sort of person she was.

Colonello followed his son all the way to the town he had tracked his birth mother to. Thanks to the fact they had access to the same page Henry had copied from, they had most of "Emma Swan's" information long before Henry even saw her.

The second Lal saw the newspaper article about a child left on the side of the road who was more or less shunted through a broken system for orphans, she had groaned in dismay.

Evidently Snow had given birth to a daughter, one who later gave birth to Henry.

Which meant Lal had been raising Snow White's _grandson_ without even knowing it, and it was almost certain that whatever had driven Henry to searching for his birth mother wasn't entirely his fault.

Though it really begged the question... where the hell did Henry get a credit card to use on the site? He knew better than to take theirs, not that they bothered to keep any since Storybrook didn't really _need_ plastic to buy things. He hadn't taken their bank cards either, since that had been the first thing they checked upon finding out he was past the town limits.

In any case Henry was _beyond_ grounded for the month for this little stunt.

* * *

 _A few hours later..._

Emma Swan was attractive enough, he guessed. Though the shocked expression on her face upon seeing her _son_ show up without any warning at all was rather hilarious. Colonello liked her already, if for no other reason than the fact she didn't have the annoying "rose-tinted view" of the world that her mother did. She had seen cold, hard reality in the face and came up swinging.

Seeing his son blackmail his birth mother into driving him home was somewhat hilarious, though.

Colonello could already see the cogs of Emma's curiosity kicking in. If Lal was right about this being the opening act of the curse being broken, then odds were that she'd likely stick around.

He was already pulling out his cell... he knew Lal would be outside city limits just in case, or Fon would be.

" _Well?"_

"He found her. She seemed pretty damn shocked he bothered to look, much less managed to find her. She has the same jaded look as most orphans lost in the system. You might like her."

He could tell Lal had a lot of conflicted emotions about this.

"Hey babe, we knew this might happen eventually. Just because he wants to get to know his birth mom doesn't make you any less his mother,"said Colonello gently.

It was almost a sure thing that Lal would take this rather personally. As if Henry was deliberately telling her she wasn't good enough to be his mother. In a way Colonello had it easier... Henry had no idea who his father was and already had several male role models in his life to chose from. He had long since gotten used to sharing him.

" _Where did he get the credit card from?"_ she said finally.

"I intend to ask, because that struck me as really odd. Storybrook doesn't really _use_ plastic and both our cards were still in our wallets. Our boy was smart though... saw him disable some pervert with a move we taught him before he managed to get on the bus," said Colonello.

" _... You are not helping things,"_ said Lal flatly. Colonello grinned.

"Anyway we should be home soon. Apparently she lived really close by."

" _He is still grounded though."_

"I completely agree," said Colonello with a fierce smirk.

* * *

 _Emma POV_

Storybrook was...quaint. And more than slightly outdated, though there were a few things that looked mostly modern. Like the coffee shop, the theater and the tasteful Chinese restaurant.

"So what's the deal kid, why did you come find me?"

 _On my birthday, no less,_ she thought.

Henry squirmed.

"I had a class assignment, and Mom told me I was adopted last year when Uncle Fon brought I-Pin with him. It was bugging me for months, so I thought I might as well see if I could at least get a lead. I wasn't expecting to find you so easily," he admitted.

"Fon? I-Pin?"

Talk about weird names.

"Uncle Fon is Chinese and I-Pin's his adopted daughter and apprentice. He teaches martial arts at the community center and is the owner of the restaurant called the Stormy Dragon," said Henry absently. "He's always giving out weird quotes and stuff, but he's a really good listener."

Henry suddenly made a face.

"At least he doesn't use me for target practice like Uncle Reborn does whenever I let my grades slip. Those paintballs hurt."

Emma felt a twinge of alarm hearing that comment.

Her eyebrows rose in disbelief when she saw the house. It was a nice, calming blue with an indigo colored door and purple curtains on the windows. It was in the nicer side of town.

"Who did you say your mom was again?"

"The town Mayor," said Henry sheepishly.

"HENRY ADRIEN MILLS! YOU ARE BEYOND GROUNDED!"

Emma's eyes widened at the very pissed off looking woman and her very hot husband. It didn't take a genius to figure out the woman had military training...everything about her practically screamed she was used to giving orders.

Henry yelped when his ear was grabbed, though Emma noted it was more of a painful pinch than anything truly damaging.

"Thanks for bringing him back. We were worried when the trackers in his clothes went off saying he had gone outside town limits."

Emma blinked.

"You put trackers in his clothes?"

"Very heavily wooded area, and there's an abandoned mine that has natural tunnels under the town. We'd rather be paranoid than sorry," shrugged the man.

Okay, that was far less alarming and more bordering cautious paranoia. Having trackers in his clothes meant that he'd be easily located if he was hurt or got lost, especially if there was an abandoned mine nearby.

Kids went into places they shouldn't all the time, and accidents _did_ happen.

"...So does his uncle really use him for target practice with paintballs?" she had to ask.

"Reborn's an ass, but he's a certified tutor. Besides, it's a lot less dangerous than some of his _other_ suggestions and it's not like Henry hates it that much. He's usually too busy being annoyed that he can't hit him back."

"Isn't that a bit one-sided?" asked Emma.

"No, I mean Reborn is better at _dodging_ Henry's counter attacks than he is at hitting him," said the man. "And then Reborn starts irritating the hell out of him with his usual condescending snark, which only spurs him into trying harder. I swear Henry sometimes lets his grades slip just so Lal will call Reborn to 'encourage' him to do better."

Well that sounded a lot more like the guy was deliberately goading the kid into being a better student than a one-sided torment from an adult.

"So how much trouble is he in?"

"A _lot_. If he had wanted to meet you that badly we would have arranged a proper meeting after doing a background check," he said flatly. "No offense, but we'd rather exercise caution when it comes to introducing him to new people."

"None taken," said Emma.

It sounded like he had responsible, if slightly paranoid parents that genuinely cared about him. The guy checked his watch and saw the time.

"There's an inn near the town diner. You can crash there for the night, since I doubt you'd want to drive all the way back this late."

"Thanks."

She was rather exhausted... being confronted by the kid she gave up was rather emotionally draining.

"What's your name, by the way?"

"Christopher Mills, and my wife is Regina. Everyone knows pretty much everyone around here, and they generally know where someone is if you ask."

Emma drove to the inn (the woman looked _very_ surprised to see a customer, but this was a pretty out of the way place) and crashed for the night.

All in all, from what she could see her son was being raised by a loving, if somewhat strict family.

* * *

 _Lal POV_

"You are in so much trouble mister. Where did you even get a credit card?"

"I borrowed it from Mary Margaret."

Lal blinked.

"She has a credit card?"

This was just further evidence that something was deliberately setting things up to bring "Emma Swan" to Storybrook.

As far as Lal could remember, Mary Margaret had used only cash or check to pay for anything. She had no recollection of the woman ever _owning_ a credit card, much less a bank card.

"Never mind that. You are _grounded_ for a month for this stunt."

"But mom!"

"No buts! If you wanted to meet your birth mother you should have discussed it with _us_ first. We would have found a way to arrange a proper meeting, not dropped into her the way you did. What if she had been a drug dealer or something? Did you ever consider that?" scolded Lal.

Henry sulked.

"She's not a drug dealer."

"I was using it as an example. At the very least we would have had Dr. Shamal escort you to her home if you had just _said_ something. I know about the pervert who tried to pick you up at the bus station."

Henry stared at her.

"How..."

"Did you forget all your clothes have trackers in them?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

Henry made a face. That was mortifying...they had known almost immediately when he had left!

"Wait... I didn't see either of you."

"That's because we're better at observing from a distance than you are at seeing us," said Colonello. "The punishment stands, by the way. You're restricted from the gun range and anything fun for the next month."

Henry looked like a kicked puppy... too bad they were standing firm on his punishment.


	5. Chapter 5

It was official. Storybrook was _weird_.

It was like part of the town was stuck in a time loop where nothing ever changed, while the parts that _did_ show like it had a grasp in reality were so obvious that they stuck out like a sore thumb.

Case in point the coffee bar she visited on a whim. Unlike Granny's Diner, it had a _modern_ coffee machine and all the trimmings, as well as a neat selection of treats to go with it. Granny's barely had a working coffee maker that looked like it was older than _she_ was.

On an unrelated note, she was ruined from the pre-ground stuff for life after trying it out. Especially the mocha with extra cinnamon. And don't get her started on the brownies, with little rivers of coffee and caramel...

If she was going to stick around town, that place would be her go-to place for a snack and a cup of proper coffee.

So it was with some surprise when she bumped into a man who looked so far out of place that it was obvious he wasn't from around here originally.

"Apologies. You seem new in town."

"Emma Swan," she said, holding out her hand.

"Fon," he said politely, shaking her hand firmly for a brief moment.

"This place seems a bit..."

"Outdated? I own the only restaurant in town that bothers to diversify when it comes to the menu. I'm afraid this place has been long set in it's ways since before I moved here," he offered. "I'm also the only place in town where someone can get a quiet drink without half the town knowing what you were up to the next morning."

"Regina didn't seem to like me much."

She had run into the woman while getting her coffee. She was polite, if rather short with her.

"She feels threatened by you," admitted Fon. "Unlike Colonello, she hasn't had much chance to get used to sharing Henry with another female role model save for Aria, who's almost never around. The fact he managed to track you down without discussing with them and giving her time to prepare has made her rather off-settled."

Okay, that made a lot of sense. She could see why Regina wasn't too happy seeing her without at least having _some_ warning first. It was like Henry was telling her she wasn't a good enough mother.

"Colonello?"

"Christopher, Regina's husband. It's an old nickname we have for him and he answers to both anyway," shrugged Fon. "Just like we generally call Regina 'Lal Mirch' because that was the name she went by in the Italian Special Forces."

"Italian Special Forces?"

"Regina was Christopher's superior officer in COMSUBIN, which is the Italian equivalent of the American Navy SEALs. He finally wore her down to the point she agreed to a date, despite being his teacher and things only progressed from there," said Fon.

Okay, _yikes_. Henry's adopted mom could kill her a dozen different ways and would likely know where to hide a body. And as the town's mayor, she could easily curtail any investigation done on her disappearance.

"Emma! Uncle Fon!"

"Hello Henry. I see you managed to slip your 'escort'," said Fon with some amusement.

Henry would have said something, except a small body tackled him on the leg and nearly made him fall. Only long experience kept him upright.

"Bad big brother! You no leave without telling people first!" scolded a little girl who wore similar clothing to Fon.

"Now, now I-Pin. I'm sure Henry has a perfectly good _reason_ for making us all worry about him last night, on top of meeting a stranger for the first time," said Fon.

Emma had to hide a grin at the way Fon was subtly guilt tripping the kid. The little girl was cute though.

"This is so not fair! Why does I-Pin have to escort me everywhere for a month?"

"You left town limits without giving us any explanation or a chance to send a trusted adult with you. What if something had happened to you? Besides, we all know she's the voice of reason when it comes to your little adventures and perfectly capable of knocking you out long enough for one of us to bring you home for a scolding," said Fon unrepentant.

Wait, what?

Henry made a face.

"I still don't get why you taught her Gyoza-ken. Or why she even _likes_ those smelly things."

I-Pin kicked him in the shin for that.

"So you got grounded," said Emma grinning.

"He's now restricted to the school, his house, the town diner or my restaurant for the next month," said Fon smiling. "If he tries to get out of his punishment then Reborn has free reign to give him remedial lessons on top of the morning training his parents will drag him through for the remaining time he has left. I know for a fact he hates that."

"At least they let me have coffee," said Henry grumbling.

"They're upset, but they're not that cruel," said Fon amused. "No sane person enjoys waking up _that_ early in the morning."

"Mary Margaret does... she told me she likes to garden when the sun's coming up," said Henry.

"Like I said, no _sane_ person likes being up that early," replied Fon.

"Who's Mary Margaret?" asked Emma.

"My homeroom teacher. She's the one who gave me the book I showed you," said Henry.

"Yes, and your mother is quite annoyed with her since it was _her_ assignment that sparked this mess," said Fon flatly. "Not that she liked her much to begin with, but still."

"I think my teacher did it because she didn't like the fact mom won't let me read fairy tales. I still don't get why mom hates _'Snow White and the Seven Dwarves'_ so much though."

"She hates Disney because they only show the 'child friendly' version of the old folk tales," said Fon dryly.

"Your mom won't let you read fairy tales?" said Emma. That sounded odd.

"She said it's because most books don't tell _both_ sides of the story, so people are automatically biased to the hero without bothering to look into what pushed the villain into doing things that would hurt others," said Henry. "While the fact most stories are geared towards bringing hope to others, she still doesn't like the fact they almost always gloss over the other side of the story."

Emma could appreciate that reasoning. It meant Henry would learn to not take things at face value and try to find out both sides of the story.

Still, she was starting to get a better idea of the people her son interacted with daily. While they were a bit weird, she could tell that most of them were good people.

It was as she was debating on leaving that a thought occurred to her.

Bounty hunting had gotten pretty damn lonely and her love life was more or less nonexistent by this point. She didn't really have much going for her back in her small apartment.

And to be honest, after meeting her _son_ for the first time after she had been forced to give him up had sparked some instincts she hadn't known even _existed_.

She actually wanted to get to know the kid. And to be honest she needed a break from the depressing nature of how her life was going.

Spending her birthday alone _sucked_.

Later that night, at the precise moment the clock tower was stuck at when she came to the decision to stick around for a bit, the hands began to move for the first time in decades. Not that Emma was even aware of this fact. She hadn't really registered the clock to begin with.

* * *

Lal took one look at the _working_ clock and groaned. So her suspicions were right about Swan.

In another life, she would have done everything in her power to drive the woman out. To make it so Henry only had one mother to look towards. Regina was certainly possessive enough for it.

Lal Mirch was not Regina. That part of her had more or less been absorbed shortly before she considered adopting, leaving only one person in her head. She could take her old form and still had most of her old mannerisms, but that part of her was more or less gone.

It had everything to do with one simple fact that Lal had made a note of while they were testing the Arcobaleno curse and the town wards.

Regina was completely sterile. Lal had a low chance of conceiving, but could still become pregnant.

As such, Regina's "presence" slowly drifted away into distant memory shortly before Henry was adopted. Lal still had her memories and everything else, but she was very much her own woman and didn't need the headaches Regina had to deal with when she was still around.

She was still punching Snow White in the face the first chance she had though. That brat had caused enough trouble to deserve it.

And she wasn't just counting all the problems Regina had with her.

Lal took a calming breath, and prepared to go on her evening run. Most of the town residents knew that the mayor had a jogging habit... though no one was stupid enough to _bother_ her during her runs.

So she was mildly surprised to run into Swan, almost literally, who was looking through the paper.

"Sorry about that... Mayor," said Emma awkwardly.

"Most people have my route memorized by this point," said Lal. "Trying to find a job?"

"Not much to do around here."

"Most jobs were generally filled out a long time ago. You'd be better off trying the theater, Fon's place or the coffee bar. Or you could try your luck at being the sheriff, though it'll be pretty boring... the only real 'crime' that happens here is a couple of the local boys get drunk regularly at the Rabbit Hole to the point they have their cells personalized. I think one of them actually brought in new pillows and blankets for the beds last week," said Lal.

"You said the theater, right?"

"Skull could use a better general manager and you get to watch all the movies he brings from around the world for free," confirmed Lal. "Fon also feeds his employees, though I should warn you he has a twisted palate... he likes to experiment and he likes his food really spicy. As for Reborn's little coffee bar, unless you know how to make a good cup of real coffee..."

"Wait... the guy who uses Henry as target practice owns the coffee bar?"

"He's a coffee snob with a hobby of dressing up in weird costumes. I would have suggested Verde's lab since he goes through assistants like you wouldn't believe, but unless you understand science babble, your best bet would be the theater, Fon's restaurant or the sheriff's office."

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Because if I do anything to drive you out of town and Henry finds out about it, _I_ become the bad guy. Besides, you don't have the same naively idiotic world view as that stupid teacher of his. You know how the world actually works and can hopefully counterbalance the sheer idiocy Mary Margaret seems determined to infect him with," deadpanned Lal flatly.

And because Lal knew damn well that if she got Emma on her side, it was going to annoy the _hell_ out of Snow White that her daughter liked the Evil Queen more than her own mother. Emma had no idea about Regina or the animosity between her and her birth mother.

She had a clean slate to work with, and it would have amused Regina endlessly to have Snow White's daughter working _against_ her mother.

Emma had to ask though...

"Who names their kid Skull?"

"He's an idiot who calls _himself_ the Immortal Skull-sama. He does part time stunt driver work, but he finds being the owner of a little theater relaxing and brings back all sorts of movies...not all of them are in English. The highlight of the summer is the theater productions he puts on, and there's always a competition to be on the stage as one of the actors. You'll recognize him pretty quick... he has purple hair and naturally purple eyes with piercings. He's a bit of a coward though and likes to make himself braver than he actually is."

"Sounds like a nice guy?"

"Henry once compared him as the 'goofy cousin everyone likes to an extent, but will never trust with any of the vehicles for fear of him voiding the warranties or the insurance'," said Lal flatly.

Emma snorted at that description. Still armed with the new knowledge, she found herself quickly hired as the new general manager of the theater. The staff knew _how_ to operate the machines and the concession stand, but none of them were really that good at taking care of the place and organizing schedules. Skull always had a lot of trouble clearing up a lot of little disasters every time he came to town, to say nothing of the headaches of setting up the summer play series.

(Skull immediately loved Emma... if for no other reason than she was actually pretty decent as his new manager and he didn't have to deal with most of the problems he usually came back to. Emma could see what Regina meant when she called him an "honest coward". Outside of the rather striking appearance, Skull was a pretty nice guy.)


	6. Chapter 6

"So let me get this straight. You think Storybrook is where the people of the Enchanted Forest ended up...because several people in the book have a really uncanny resemblance to the people in town?" said Emma skeptically.

"Yeah. The weird thing is that my mom only has a passing resemblance to the Evil Queen who cast the curse, and my dad isn't in there at all. Neither is Fon or any of my uncles."

"I thought your mom didn't let you read fairy tales?"

"She said she didn't like the stories that only said one side of the story. She said I was allowed to read this one because it doesn't just tell the hero's side... there are backstories for the villains too," said Henry. "At least she isn't using it for target practice like all those VHS copies of _Snow White_."

"What?"

"She has dad toss the VHS copies of Disney's rendition of _Snow White and the Seven Dwarves_ like clay pigeons before she blows them to pieces with her sniper rifle. Dad seems to find it amusing and she's always in a better mood after. Though not as much as Saturday Shag Night."

"Saturday... Shag Night?" repeated Emma slowly. Kids really shouldn't know so much about their parent's sex lives.

"It wasn't that hard to figure out. I get sent to stay with Uncle Fon or one of the others on Saturday nights and Mom always seems to be in a better mood the next morning while Dad just looks smug," shrugged Henry. "Uncle Fon uses it to work on my hand-to-hand and help me with my homework."

"How good is he at that?"

Henry had an odd look on his face.

"He knows over a hundred different martial arts styles, some of them so obscure I had no idea they even _existed_ except as some sort of movie plot device. Like I-Pin's Gyoza-ken... she literally uses these really strong gyoza buns filled with a lot of garlic to paralyze her opponents and take them out."

"You're kidding!"

Henry looked sheepish. Emma grinned as it was clear he had been the victim or possibly even the sparring dummy of the little girl more than once. It was a good way to keep him from developing a big head when it came to his skills at fighting.

"So what's it like living in Storybrook?"

"Peaceful to the point of boring. But at least mom lets me use a real gun on the weekends."

"What."

"Dad takes me out hunting every so often. Took me _forever_ to earn my way past the paintball stage and I had to know how to take it apart and put it together correctly before I was even allowed to actually use one. Uncle Reborn owns the only gun range within reach of the town, and he lets me practice with the clay pigeons and the sniping range whenever he visits."

 _Right, ex-military,_ thought Emma. Of course they wouldn't think it _odd_ to teach a kid how to use a gun.

"Bet the townspeople love that."

"It's far enough away that they don't hear the gunshots, and besides Mom is the one who technically _owns_ the land so even if they did they wouldn't say anything. They all seem pretty afraid of her for some reason," said Henry shrugging. He grimaced. "I'm usually the one who has to go down there with dad to keep it from being overgrown and stuff."

"What else do you do for fun around here?"

From what she saw, not a lot apparently.

"Long range poker is one of my favorites, though I'm still banned from going near the guns until next week at least."

"Long range poker?"

"Dad got the idea from some movie. He has a barge towed out to the water with all fifty-two cards in a deck glued to a long board. You can shoot any card you want, but in order for it to count you have to actually go through the card without hitting the edges. The trick is to adjust for the waves and the wind and the movement of the barge. Mom thought it was a good training exercise, so she usually sits in and calls out whether we made a clean hit or not."

Henry made a face. His aim still wasn't the best, as he usually tended to miss the cards because of the waves, but he was better than how he used to miss with the paintballs when they first started teaching him how to shoot.

He still wasn't allowed near a hand gun until he was fifteen or proved he was responsible enough for it though. And his parents kept the keys to the rather impressive locks on the gun cabinet on them at all times. They had made it very, very clear he wasn't allowed any of the guns without adult supervision.

"Sounds like it's more fun than regular poker."

"Oh I know how to do regular poker, but it's more fun competing with dad over the shots," said Henry without thinking. "Uncle Fon holds a regular poker game every Friday night, though it doesn't always involve money."

"What's the deal with Dr. Shamal?"

"He's a friend of Uncle Reborn's. Mom said he was tired of being suspected for something he had no control over and offered to let him have the run of the hospital since she's not entirely pleased with how Dr. Whale ran things. Though I did hear that the majority of the sexual harassment complaints against him dropped to a bare minimum after a year and a half," said Henry.

Shamal was his regular doctor and was usually pretty nice. Even if Henry found his obsession with bugs a bit weird.

"And Mary Margaret?" asked Emma.

The woman was weirdly nice and it was really creeping her out. Yet there seemed to be some sort of history between her and the Mayor, who was coldly professional whenever she saw the shorter woman.

At least Regina was 'kind' enough to direct her to the good apartments well within her budget. While she was somewhat lacking in neighbors, the view was pretty good and it had an actual WiFi connection. She found out the hard way most of the town barely knew what a cell phone was, and even fewer still bothered with computers outside the really, really old models that were better used for scrap.

Henry blanked his face rather impressively.

"She's one of my favorite teachers... but she's a little..."

"Overly nice and naive?" said Emma. That had been her impression of the woman.

Henry nodded.

"I don't know what mom has against her, but the two don't really get along. I know she wasn't happy when I let it slip about Mom's feeling towards fairy tales," said Henry.

"I'm surprised you mom doesn't have animosity towards magic, if she hates fairy tales."

"Mom said she knows for a _fact_ curses exist, which means magic does too. The problem is that it's hard to tell the real thing from all the fakes."

"Huh. Hey, who's that?"

Henry turned to look and found a familiar face he hadn't seen in a while.

"Hey Prince Bel! Is Viper in town?"

"Prince Bel?"

"He gets really grumpy if you don't call him by his proper title, and mom said to humor him," said Henry.

Something about the kid who was a couple of years older than Henry was gave Emma a very bad vibe.

"Ushishishi... Hello Henry. Viper went to check the books before they bothered to relax. I heard you got into major trouble," said Bel.

Emma was really creeped out by this kid and had no idea why. Henry didn't even seem phased by the kid in the least.

Emma waited for "Prince Bel" or "Belphegor" to leave before she looked at her son with concern.

"Who or _what_ was that?"

"Prince Belphegor is a...friend/comrade of one of my uncles. I think he heard something he found very interesting about Mom, because he sometimes comes with Viper to visit on their vacation days. He's got some really cool knife tricks, but mom said I wasn't allowed to try them until I had mastered basic knife training since I got cut really bad once. He's a bit weird, but he's actually pretty nice once you get to know him."

Actually it was because Belphegor had a _lot_ of respect for the Evil Queen, and when he found out Viper knew where she was he had demanded to meet her. Regina found him amusing, and he generally stayed on his best behavior while in town.

Mostly because Lal didn't care if he happened to lay around the house all day and play video games. He treated Henry like a fellow prince (which he technically _was_ ) and often made sense of all the "boring" etiquette lessons Henry's mother made him sit through.

Henry honestly had no idea why everyone always reacted so badly around Belphegor, since he was always nice to him.

Then again he didn't know Belphegor found the idea of "mentoring" a young prince he wouldn't have to compete with later to be rather fun, considering he had left most of such things behind when he ran away from home. It almost made him home sick.

Almost.

If anything Belphegor treated Henry like a little brother of sorts. The fact Henry didn't bat an eye at way he acted didn't hurt.

Emma shivered. There was something undoubtedly _wrong_ with that kid.

"So who's Viper?"

"Town treasurer, though mom keeps the books neat enough that they don't really do much when they come around," said Henry. "If you see someone with a frog sitting on top of a hooded head with triangle tattoos down their cheeks, then you've seen Viper."

Emma did encounter Viper later, who had come to see whatever movie was playing. She did at least _try_ to switch up what was on the screens every week.

"Mu. You must be Henry's birth mother."

Emma stared for a few seconds, before she shook out of it.

"Henry's told me about you. You're Viper right?"

"I am. Word to the wise, if you need any information about the town or the world outside, I'm the one you generally ask. Unless you want to try your luck with Gold... that man is more shifty than I am. However it will cost you... I don't hand out information for free."

Emma seized upon her chance.

"What exactly is the deal with Mary Margaret and the Mayor? Or this town?"

Because while Storybrook seemed like a peaceful place on the outside, once you stuck around a lot of little things quickly began to seem off.

Like how most of the population seemed to be going through the motions and had a really weird _fear_ of Regina or Mr. Gold, while a handful of others treated Regina and her husband with a weird sort of respect and had this really strange vibe about them that Emma couldn't put her finger on.

"Mu. Considering the circumstances I'll give you some basic details for free. For now anyway. The simple fact is that Mary Margaret saw something she shouldn't have and couldn't keep a secret, which resulted in the loss of Regina's boyfriend. Her mother wasn't exactly pleased she was dating the help, and she killed the boy in front of her. Regina quite rightly blamed the girl for not keeping her mouth shut around her mother, and Mary Margaret seems to think her reaction was blown out of proportion considering she was certainly old enough to know better."

Emma winced.

"How old was she?"

"From what Regina said, she was a few years older than Henry was at the time of the incident. Regina has been trying to break her of her rose-tinted view of the world, but Mary Margaret resents her for it and seems to think _she's_ the bad guy when Regina was only trying to give her a dose of reality," said Viper. "Hope is acceptable, but the blind optimism Mary Margaret seems to positively thrive in is not."

Emma thought about how Mary Margaret acted and found Viper had a point. Blind optimism _was_ a good name for it.

"And the town?"

"I believe Henry's little book should give you an idea of what's going on. However there are more than a few outsiders that we've been bringing in to make the place a little more tolerable. They didn't even _have_ WiFi until Regina had it set up in certain areas. Verde nearly had a fit when he realized he'd have to waste precious time setting that up... and forget getting a cell phone signal in town. You'd have to go outside the town limits to get a proper reception... there's something around here that's been playing merry hell with the reception and we haven't found out what's causing it," said Viper.

"Well that explains a lot," said Emma sourly. Apparently the bad cell reception was a common problem, but at knowing she could go outside town limits to get a better one was a relief. "What's the deal with Mr. Gold? He keeps giving me weird looks."

"Your guess is as good as mine. He owns most of the town, save for the areas Regina bought for us to play with. I know he's tried to buy off Fon's place and the theater a few times, but it's rather hard to do so when we own the lease and half the time we're not even _here_ to bother."

"And your blond friend? No offense but that kid creeps me out," said Emma.

Viper's face went positively blank.

"People have that general reaction around him," said Viper. "So long as you do nothing that would cause him to bleed, you'll be fine. He has schizophrenia and it really acts up when he sees his own blood... he had a lot of bad memories associated with personal injuries."

Emma winced.

"Sorry I asked."

"He at least gets some stability being around Henry and Regina, which is more than most could ask for. It's a trial getting him to take his medication. You're not likely to interact with him much... he usually sticks around Regina's mansion to play video games with Henry while talking to him. Just don't mistake him for 'harmless' though."


	7. Chapter 7

"What's going on in Town Hall?" asked Emma. Everyone seemed to be really looking forward to something.

"Oh, it's Dance Night," said Henry. "Every so often mom let's the residents throw a party where they can dress up and dance the night away. Kids are allowed in, but they usually have Uncle Fon serving the alcohol. No one's gotten past him yet."

"Sounds like fun."

"Mom says it gives people a reason to actually get out and enjoy themselves, which means they don't cause as much trouble for her later. I think she's been reading the Evil Overlord List, because I've seen a few things on there that she's been doing."

Emma snorted. With the way most of the townspeople acted, you would think Regina was some sort of evil queen.

She was a good mother, she took good care of the people in town, and yet everyone seemed to think she was the epitome of evil with how afraid they acted all the time.

Emma could easily say she _liked_ Regina more than the perpetually nice Mary Margaret. There was something weird about her, like she should _know_ her from somewhere.

Regina was a realist, and was able to push back her dislike of someone long enough to remain coolly professional. Mary Margaret was an idealist who didn't always think things through and seemed to think everything would turn out alright so long as one held on to hope.

Considering how very little hope she had in her life, she liked Regina's world-view better.

The thing that bugged her most was the way Mary Margaret kept trying to get on her good side in the most hilariously pathetic fashion.

Regina and Emma's odd friendship was based on one thing only... Henry. Both wanted what was best for him, and Emma wasn't about to step on the woman's toes when it came to him.

Sure she found the fact she let Henry practice with guns and carry an actual _knife_ around odd, but considering she was ex-military Emma was more than willing to let it slide. Besides, she could imagine all too well several times when that sort of training could have come in handy growing up.

Besides, she at least didn't bring up the fact Emma was training with Fon after work on hand to hand. While the guy was a major hottie, he kept it professional during their lessons.

After all the crap she went through growing up, and the dangers of hunting people down who skipped bail, having some actual training in combat helped. Though she would swear the man was flirting with her when she visited the bar...he never even _looked_ at the other women in town.

Most of them seemed to be against him because he was good friends with Regina for some stupid reason, and the fact he was so clearly from another country entirely.

The town dance was pretty festive, but then again Regina let them do whatever they wanted to the only place big enough to host most of the town and turned an obvious deaf ear to any "comments" made in her direction. So it was with some surprise that Emma found herself swept up in the more energetic dancing (most of it clearly from the movies Skull brought into town) by Fon.

"I-Pin and Henry were very clear that I shouldn't let you become a wall flower tonight of all nights," said Fon smiling.

More like Regina had tried very hard not to laugh at what the kids were doing and agreed to keep watch over the liquor.

Emma managed not to blush, barely, but rather enjoyed herself.

At least until she spotted someone new at the edges of the dance.

"Who's that?"

"Oh don't mind Reborn. He's just sulking since none of the women in town suit his tastes."

" _That's_ Reborn? The guy who owns the gun range and the best coffee bar in town?"

"I think the only people you haven't met yet are Aria and Verde at this point," said Fon, easily drifting towards Reborn.

"Fon."

"Reborn."

Reborn eyed the woman with interest. She was clearly a new element in the town, one that looked... oh.

"You're Henry's birth mother aren't you? So Regina wasn't kidding when she said he tracked you down."

"Does _everyone_ know about that?" asked Emma.

"We keep in touch with each other, so yes. Aria found it cute and slightly amusing, once she talked with Regina about the issue."

"You should hear some of the stories he tells about his student Dino," chuckled Fon.

"Dino? Who names their kid after the Flintstone's pet dinosaur dog thing?" asked Emma incredulous.

Reborn chuckled darkly.

"Oh that's a good one. I so have to bring that up later," he said with amusement. "So what did you do before Storybrook?"

"Chase down bail jumpers, mostly," said Emma. "It's a good thing Regina pointed me towards the other places that were hiring in town, otherwise I would have tried for Sheriff. I would have been bored out of my mind if I did."

"Bounty hunter then. If I remember correctly you have a less than clean past yourself," said Reborn.

"Reborn, it's not like any of us actually cared about that when Regina looked into her after adopting Henry," scolded Fon.

Emma looked at him sharply.

"Regina knows..."

"About your criminal history and the fact he was born in prison over some relatively minor theft?" said Fon. "She made a point of looking into it just in case you tried to sue for custody, but dropped it when she found out you weren't interested in raising him at the time. She wasn't expecting Henry to track you down so soon."

Emma looked distinctly uncomfortable about finding out Regina knew of her past.

"I wouldn't worry too much about it," said Reborn. "Regina's not about to drive you away from Henry for 'being a bad influence' or something ridiculous like that. Not with how _minor_ your criminal history was."

"I guess compared to that Belphegor kid I'm pretty tame," said Emma relaxing.

Reborn and Fon coughed to hide their laughs. Actually they were thinking of themselves when they called her crimes "minor". If Lal didn't give a damn about putting her son near _Reborn_ , who was a complete asshole when he really put his mind into it, then having a birth mother who had never even gotten a felony charge wasn't even going to register on her internal radar.

"I'm still surprised she's even letting me near him."

"She's giving you enough noose to hang yourself. If she tried to drive you away so soon after he found you, then _she_ comes off as the bad guy in his eyes. However if you did something to drive him off, then you're the problem not her," said Reborn.

Emma winced a bit hearing that.

* * *

"Pull!"

Emma heard the distinct sound of a rifle being shot, along with something exploding. The theater was closed today and she didn't have anything to do, so she went to investigate.

Regina had on some jeans, a tank top...and a well-loved rifle in her hands.

"Pull!"

Now that she was closer, she could see what was being launched. It looked like an old VHS tape.

Emma vaguely recalled a comment Henry made about his mother and her feelings towards the old story of "Snow White". And how she vented said feelings by destroying copies of the VHS tapes. Looking at some of the shrapnel on the ground, she realized he hadn't been joking at all.

"Yo, Emma! Come to enjoy a bit of stress release in the fun way?" Colonello called out.

"Not that great a shot," she replied.

"Take over for the _idiota_ then. His throws are too consistent and I barely have to adjust for them," suggested Regina bluntly.

"What's..."

"Italian for 'idiot'," supplied Colonello cheerfully. "But everyone knows she only says it out of love!"

They were a very unusual pair. The serious, professional Regina and the cheerful, slightly optimistic Christopher who held a soldier's edge. From the way they acted, it was pretty clear _he_ had been pursuing her until he wore her down enough to saying yes. But Regina was relaxed around him, so there was clearly trust between them.

Emma went over to where he was and looked at the stack of old tapes. It wasn't just "Snow White"...there were a few others in there.

"So what do I do?"

"Throw them like a frisbee as high as you can. Angle it if you want...just make it sure it's higher than that tree (he pointed out a tree in the distance) when you throw it. This gives me a chance to set up the clay pigeons for me to play too. Usually she only makes me throw these when Mary Margaret has been more irritating to her nerves than normal," he told her cheerfully.

He disappeared into a shed and brought out a device to launch the clay pigeons. Normally only Henry made use out of it when Reborn or Colonello were there to teach him about trajectories, angles and wind resistance. It was too easy for them. After a bit of instruction, Emma found herself launching both the tapes and the pigeons into the air, sometimes at the same time just to see who would shoot first.

Seeing them explode was surprisingly cathartic and fun. She wondered what would happen if she gave shooting a try... with her past she could never get a gun license.

Somehow she had the distinct feeling Regina wouldn't care and that the sheriff wasn't about to bring it up. The gun range didn't get much use from what she saw.

Eyeing the rifles in the cage, Emma wondered how much it cost to rent one to learn how to shoot. She had seen a wolf around town and there was no way that thing was anyone's pet. She'd rather have a gun than rely on her limited skills at fighting bare handed, even if Fon was an excellent, and very patient, teacher.

Reborn looked at her with amusement.

"Looking to learn how to shoot?"

"Actually, yeah. How much to rent a gun?"

Reborn snorted.

"Those are all window dressing. Regina's not stupid enough to put guns in an area this far out of town that's not under personal watch by people she knows can't be bribed to look the other way if one goes missing, especially with that bunch down at the Rabbit Hole."

Emma nodded... that sounded rather sensible. She'd gone down to that bar a few times before sticking to the Stormy Dragon because Fon did allow his regulars to rent a room upstairs to sleep off what they drank. It was more dignified than having them spend time in the drunk tank anyway.

Most of the regulars at the Rabbit Hole were firmly against Regina for some weird reason and were always trying to drag everyone else into it. Which was why she avoided it after the third time she got the stink eye for not automatically agreeing with them.

"Well if you're really interested, you could always file for a permit to use the ones Regina keeps under lock and key. They're cheap, mass manufactured rifles, but they're easy enough to learn how to use and get you used to aiming properly. If you manage to show you're competent with a gun and can actually _aim_ without causing collateral damage, she could easily help source you a proper weapon," said Reborn.

Emma, if she was smart, could use this as a chance to bond with Henry with Colonello's help. He'd probably be thrilled to have a hobby he could share with both his mothers.

Besides, it would probably horrify Mary Margaret, seeing Emma bonding with Regina instead of her. Especially once the ridiculous curse broke.

* * *

It was inevitable, what with the regular board meetings at the hospital that he would eventually find out about _her_.

Regina watched Rumpel like a hawk.

"Who is this?" asked Gold.

"Belle French. She's had a few problems with her health so we put her under a medically induced coma just in case," said Shamal. "Intestinal parasites are not fun, especially when you're actually awake for them."

Gold was silent, but Regina saw the anger in his eyes that was almost too well hidden to see...unless you were looking for it.

"I don't envy her when she comes out of it... it's going to be a pain to pay for those bills," continued Shamal, sharing a look with Regina.

"What about family?"

"Estranged from her father. He hasn't even visited her once, and we're pretty sure he arranged the car accident," said Regina.

"Car accident?" repeated Gold.

"She was initially put in here for a car accident, if you recall. The police reports say there were signs of potential tampering with the breaks, but nothing conclusive. From what the investigation found out, they had a massive fight over the fact she wanted to leave and he wanted her to stick around and get married to some well connected moron that's already moved on," said Regina easily.

Belle's father _had_ given Regina a way to get leverage over the Dark One. She wouldn't have known that the bookworm that had started as a hostage had fallen for him and vice versa if her father hadn't said anything.

Gold looked rather pissed hearing that.

"Any idea when she'll wake up?"

"Time is a funny thing," said Shamal. "She could wake up today or next month, depending on whether or not circumstances change."

Regina completely missed the look that crossed Gold's face.

She wondered how he would react if he knew Henry was actually his _grandson_. As a joke and to see who was related to who out of boredom one year (around the time Henry was three), she had Shamal give the blood samples to Verde to run DNA testing.

Which was how she found out Henry wasn't just Mary Margaret and Charming's grandson...he was also related to Gold in the same way.

Which meant Emma had a very solid lead on where Gold's _son_ was, if she had managed to get knocked up by him.


	8. Chapter 8

Henry didn't even think twice when he saw the apple in his lunch. His mother loved apples, so much so that she had a few trees outside in the yard.

He would later remember taking a bite out of the snack during lunch...before feeling lethargic and all his limbs growing heavy and sluggish.

Henry collapsed in his seat, the apple falling from his hand and rolling on the floor with a distinctive bite mark out of it.

"Henry!"

* * *

Regina wasn't the only one who rushed to the hospital when she heard Henry had collapsed at school. Emma, Colonello, Fon, I-Pin and Skull who had been making a delivery of new movies were all in the room.

"What happened?" she demanded.

"Mary Margaret said he took a bite out of his apple and suddenly collapsed in less than a minute. I know he's not allergic to them, so I have no idea what caused this," said Shamal.

"Where's the apple?" demanded Regina.

"Right here," said Shamal, handing it over.

She carefully examined it before swearing.

"This has been poisoned with a sleeping potion."

The same potion she used on Snow all those years ago. And she had a good idea where it came from, since she certainly hadn't gone near her small potions supply.

"Sleeping potion? You make it sound like magic exists," said Emma skeptically. Henry had been trying to make her believe, but she was having far too much difficulty with the concept.

"Do you know the antidote?" asked Shamal.

"It's the same one used on Snow White. The only cure is True Love's kiss... fortunately it doesn't _have_ to be romantic, just be a form of true love," said Regina darkly.

"Magic doesn't exist," said Emma. Though she wished it did.

"Babe, you aren't seriously..." said Colonello.

"It was going to come out eventually. Besides, I am sick and tired of hiding the truth from Henry about why _we_ can't take him outside of town," said Regina.

Emma was beyond confused as to why Regina and her husband were leading her past the town limits with what was going on with Henry. Her confusion turned to disbelief and shock at seeing the cheerful blond sniper turn into a _toddler_ , or at least shrink to the size of one. It was kinda hard to dispute the truth when he was casually sitting on her shoulder.

"Now you see why we can't take him outside of town ourselves. We would have taken him to see Italy at the least if it wouldn't have brought on too many questions. He wasn't ready to know the truth."

"No, yeah, I get it," said Emma dumbly. "So is it all of you or..."

"Skull, Reborn, Fon, Verde, Viper, Colonello, and myself... as well as Aria, but she doesn't turn into a toddler. Every time we go past the town wards we are hit with a curse that Aria's mother tricked us into several decades ago. For some reason the curse on the town negates the whole 'toddler' thing," said Regina.

Emma stared at her.

"So the 'dark curse' and the book Henry's so fascinated with..."

"It's all true. Except there was one part that _didn't_ make it into the book. Snow White hit the Evil Queen with a curse that sent her to the same land with no memories... the side effects of mixing the two curses caused me to be reborn into an infant's body and forced to grow up a second time...however for the people here, it's as if the curse had just been used," said Regina tiredly.

"So that's why they have such weird reactions to you," said Emma.

"You're taking this well, kora."

"I'll freak out later. Besides this actually explains far too much. So how do we break the potion on Henry?" asked Emma seriously.

"Again, this is the same potion I used on Snow White. You just need to prove your love for _our_ son is strong enough to face a dark force most would end up killed by," said Regina. We should probably bring Fon with us... he's going to be so peeved when he finds out what I stumbled on and didn't tell him about."

Fon loved dragons, and would bring I-Pin with him if she even hinted at the fact that Maleficent in dragon form was under the town.

"I'll stay with Henry," said Colonello.

Emma looked at Regina with an odd expression.

"So... You're the Evil Queen."

"I was. I prefer being 'Lal Mirch' over 'Regina', if only because being 'evil' was beyond tiring. Imagine holding a major grudge for several decades and having to maintain that level of anger and hatred over something that happened in the past," said Lal.

Emma winced.

"Sounds exhausting."

"Now add to the fact that you kept getting hit in the face with _reminders_ of what happened and having to deal with being unanimously hated because you couldn't let go... worse, your own mother kept egging you on and your father was a total enabler."

She loved her father Henry, but if he had a bit more spine he could have been able to curb some of her behavior... or at least quit indirectly enabling her bad habits.

Cora only made things worse.

"May I ask why you brought me with you?" asked Fon.

"Because you never would have forgiven me for not at least letting you join in when you see what's under the town hall," deadpanned Lal.

Fon blinked, before he gave her a dirty look.

"There's a dragon under the town hall."

"Maleficent, actually."

"I am going to spike your food with extra peppers," said Fon annoyed.

"I would have told you, except Maleficent is more inclined to flame-broil first, ask questions later and you would have brought I-Pin," said Lal.

"Fair enough. I'm still spiking your food though," said Fon sulking.

"Look at the bright side... at least once Henry wakes up we can start finding a way back to the Enchanted Forest. You can still meet Mulan," said Lal.

"Mulan?" said Emma amused.

"He has a major crush on her and it's passed onto his daughter," said Lal.

"Any idea who poisoned Henry?"

"Well _my_ supply of the ingredients needed hasn't been touched, which only really leaves _one_ person who would know the recipe AND have the ingredients needed. Want to help me punch Gold in the face for dosing Henry?" asked Lal to Emma.

"Gold? How do you know he's behind it?"

"Because this happened less than a _week_ after he stumbles across his little girlfriend in the hospital," said Lal flatly. "He definitely wasn't expecting to find her there, and he looked pretty pissed about it. At least once this is over I can finally punch Mary Margaret in the face for hitting me with that damn curse right as _mine_ was about to hit."

Emma stared, before she worked that out in her head and grimaced.

"So _that's_ why you dislike her so much. She's Snow White isn't she?"

"And coma boy is Charming. She completely deserves being punched in the face for being such an idiot. I still want to know who the hell gave her that curse and didn't tell her the consequences of mixing them," scowled Lal.

The lift jolted, opening up into a cave system.

Fon looked pretty eager to face a dragon.

"Fon, no Storm dragons in the cave. We don't want the roof to collapse on us," said Lal.

"You're no fun at all," pouted Fon.

"Well... let's get to it then," said Lal.

This wasn't Regina anymore... this was firmly Lal Mirch, military commander and fighter.

* * *

Colonello looked up when he smelled something singed.

"What happened to you?" he asked baffled.

"Dragon. Under the town hall. Took _forever_ to pin the bitchy lizard down to qualify as 'beaten' without killing her," summed up Lal exhausted.

They didn't _have_ to kill the dragon. Maleficent had something on her that they needed. So Fon and Lal had managed to pin the pissed off sorceress down long enough for Emma to get it while braving her fire.

Lal had promptly put the very angry dragon out cold with her Rain flames. It wouldn't last long, but it didn't _need_ to... she was going to let Maleficent out once the curse broke.

Emma kissed Henry on the forehead, and everyone felt the wave of pure light magic passing through them.

A bit further down the hall, Belle woke up to find Rumpelstiltskin waiting by her bedside.

She flinched when Regina came into the room with Emma.

"Haven't you done enough damage?" demanded Gold.

He was completely unprepared for the fact Regina cold-cocked him to the jaw, or the follow up punch to the gut from Emma.

"That is for poisoning my _son_ you bastard," snarled Regina. "And for your information I moved your precious little bookworm out of the basement levels the _minute_ I found out she was there. Being forcibly placed into a medically induced coma is actually far kinder than what she was going through in those cells."

Belle looked confused.

"You're the one who kidnapped me!"

"Because your father happened to drop the fact the Dark One was fond of you as something other than a quaint way to pass the time. If you want to complain about why you even registered on my personal radar long enough for me to grab you, blame him," snapped Regina.

Belle blinked at that, before she scowled.

Then again Regina wasn't acting _anything_ like she remembered.

"Hey babe, Shamal said that Henry should be fine to go home with us. He just needs to do a quick check up and he should be good to go," said Colonello, wrapping his arm around Regina.

Regina smirked and said something in a language Belle and Gold didn't recognize. The man's eyes went hard... before he delivered a _second_ punch to Gold's stomach.

"What did you tell him?" asked Belle baffled. "And what language was that?"

"I merely pointed him in the direction of the man who poisoned _our_ son. And it's Italian. Just so you know, the town does have a library but it's never been used. No librarian either," said Regina.

Belle was officially starting to freak out and suspect something was going on. Regina was _never_ this nice. Ever.

Emma rolled her eyes at this.

"I thought you hated those stupid stories?"

" _She_ doesn't piss me off nearly as much as your birth mother does," deadpanned Regina. "I only grabbed her to have leverage over _him_."

"You dosed me with potions," said Belle.

"Yes, but the most I did was hold you captive. Most of my prisoners generally didn't last past a really bad day and a pressing need to make someone else's that much worse," Regina shot back. "I merely kept you from calling out to _him_ and escaping. I could have been a lot worse. And right now, you are most certainly not my priority unless you start conspiring with that idiot Mary Margaret to piss me off. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a sanctimonious little brat to punch in the face."

Regina left the room, and Belle looked confused.

"She's planning to give Mary Margaret a black eye and a broken nose," clarified Emma.

* * *

 _In the town square..._

Mary Margaret, formerly Snow White, looking around and hugged her husband with relief. Emma had broken the curse.

Then she saw _her_.

"Regina! Haven't you done enough damage?" she demanded.

Two seconds later, Snow was holding her nose and wincing as her left eye was throbbing.

"That was for hitting me with that damn curse right as mine was about to hit us both," she snapped. "And if I ever find out who gave you that curse, I will use their ass as target practice."

Regina glared at the townsfolk, all who seemed pissed at her for one reason or another. She rolled her eyes and headed to town hall. She had a dragon to remove from the premises.

 _In the caves..._

Maleficent glared at Regina. Her magic had managed to fight off whatever the woman had used on her, but she was still lethargic.

"If you try to set me on fire then you're never getting out of here," said Regina flatly. "I'm already in a foul mood because Rumpelstiltskin thought it was a brilliant idea to poison my son."

Maleficent's eyes softened a bit at that. Well that explained why Regina actually _helped_ someone to defeat her.

Regina eyed her oddly and recalled the state the sorceress had been in when she stole the dark curse.

"You lost a child. That's why you were moping in your castle rather than up to anything," she guessed.

Maleficent's anger flared. Small licks of flame licked her mouth.

Regina tossed her a potion. She snatched it out of the air and swallowed it, vial and all. It was a great relief being able to take her human form again.

"What happened?" asked Regina.

"Snow White and her husband took the egg. I didn't even get to hold my child," said Maleficent.

"And that little brat keeps trying to pretend she's a better ruler," said Regina in disgust. "You're staying at my house until this mess gets sorted out, and then we are going to see if we can't find out where your child is."

"Why are you helping me?" demanded Maleficent.

"Because I wouldn't wish the fate of losing a child without even getting to see them on any mother," said Regina. "Besides, I know one little girl who's going to be tickled pink when she sees your dragon form."

Maleficent blinked at that.


	9. Chapter 9

Lal was out on her morning runs when she ran into Charming. As usual, she ignored the idiot and went around him. Except he wasn't inclined to ignore her like before.

"What do you want?" she asked bluntly. She was not a morning person and still hadn't had her daily dose of coffee.

"What did you do to our daughter Regina?" demanded Charming.

"What are you talking about?"

"She won't come near us or even talk to us."

"Considering you abandoned her, I can't say I blame her. Do you have _any_ idea what the American foster system is like?" Lal shot back.

"What are you up to now Regina?" demanded Charming.

Lal's patience with him was about worn thin. She subtly slid into a stance that would allow her to deliver a proper right hook to the idiot's jaw if he pissed her off too much. He wasn't worth killing.

"Your _wife_ was stupid enough to cast a curse on _me_ right as the Dark Curse was about to hit us both. It may have been just yesterday for you morons, but it's been well over three decades for _me_. I've had to go through puberty TWICE thanks to that spoiled brat. Unlike you morons I've moved on," she snapped at him. "And if your daughter happens to like me more, then I don't see how that's _my_ problem."

Charming went to grab her arm as she moved to continue her run. Too bad Lal saw that coming, because she had his ass pinned to the ground, hard, the second it came within reach of her arm.

"Here's a little advice, Charming. Don't piss off a woman who can kill you without magic. The only reason you and that brat you married aren't dead is because you aren't worth my time or effort... and _I_ know where all the guns are kept and have the keys to them. You two twits would be dead before you even knew there was any danger if I ever thought you worth it," snarled Lal close to his ear. "And if you try a stunt like that again, it won't be just _me_ you have to worry about. My idiot husband would be just as happy to end your sorry lives if you push us too far."

She pushed him into the hard concrete before continuing her run. Though she did tell Colonello and the others what happened to put her in such a foul mood that morning.

* * *

"He _confronted_ you?" said Emma appalled.

Just because they were her birth parents did _not_ mean she had to instantly bond with them like they seemed to think it did. Even she knew better than to expect any motherly feelings to happen overnight with Henry.

"It's been over twenty years for _us_ , but for them it's been only a week if that. I'm more surprised that he was stupid enough to try and grab my arm when I was already pissed."

"He _what_?!" said Colonello, almost leaping out of his seat. Only a look quelled that urge. He was still pissed though.

"I pinned his ass to the pavement and gave him a 'friendly' warning to fuck off," said Lal flatly, leaning back in her chair. "If he pushes us... well, you know where we keep the sniper rifles. I'm sure he'd think twice about coming near us if we planted a few bullets in his ass without us being within eyesight."

Emma was openly disgusted.

"What's their problem anyway?"

Mary Margaret was seriously starting to irritate the hell out of her.

"They're overly idealistic and everyone likes them better than me," shrugged Lal.

As long as they left her alone, she wouldn't go around kicking their collective asses to the curb.

Sadly this wasn't the _last_ confrontation Lal had with the people of Storybrook. Though at least Gold tried for subtle.

Lal went in to see if he'd be willing to at least give her a hint of how to break the Arcobaleno curse...only for him to hit her with a spell that reverted her completely to Regina, instead of the strange merger she had now.

"Are you done?" asked Regina.

"Just thought you'd appreciate the removal of that curse, dearie," said Gold with a crocodile's grin.

Regina openly rolled her eyes.

"I take it your little bookworm is doing well?" said Regina.

Gold was definitely trying not to frown. Regina didn't _do_ small talk without something in it for her. He narrowed his eyes at her in suspicion.

"Belle is doing fine. A bit in shock with how you're acting, but fine. What do you want, Regina?"

"I need your help breaking a curse."

"Any curse that is in effect would have automatically been broken when Emma woke Henry."

"Not this curse," said Regina. "For a 'Land Without Magic', it's certainly not living up to the hype. This particular curse is fueled by the magic of this place...though some of the effects are mitigated by the wards around the town."

Gold looked intrigued.

"And how exactly are you planning to use to pay for my help? You know very well dearie that any major magics come with a price."

Regina smirked. Now she looked more like the Evil Queen he was familiar with.

"You lost your son, didn't you?"

Gold didn't flinch, but his sudden stillness was telling enough.

"You know where Bae is."

"Not where, but I have a solid idea of who to ask for a lead on _how_ to find him," said Regina easily. "So are you interested in helping or not?"

Gold didn't even think twice. Regina would never be stupid enough to double cross him. She wasn't that suicidal.

"First let me see exactly what we're dealing with," said Gold.

Regina pulled out a pacifier from around her neck. Gold raised an eyebrow at it.

"I didn't chose the form. It showed up like that and it won't come off. And if you need more examples, Colonello and Fon both have them as well."

Gold poked at the pacifier with his magic...and his eyebrows visibly shot up in surprise.

"You said this is part of the natural magic of the land?"

"They call it 'Dying Will Flames'," said Regina. "There are seven 'common' types called the 'Flames of the Sky'. My husband took the brunt of this particular curse... I only got hit with a partial amount of it because his magic was considered stronger for whatever these are supposed to do."

Gold looked intrigued.

"Can you use it here?"

Regina didn't even think twice about it. She concentrated a bit of her resolve and brought out her Flames.

So it was with a great deal of shock seeing _orange_ fire instead of just blue/indigo/purple in a varying mixture.

"I take it that it's not supposed to look like that?" he asked, seeing her reaction.

Regina groaned in exasperation.

"Of course completely removing the curse that brat put on me would unlock Sky Flames," she said tiredly. With a little concentration she was able to bring out her original flames.

As Regina walked Gold through Dying Will Flames (she wasn't even the least bit surprised that he was a strong Mist with Cloud and just a hint of Sun) she ignored the way her old teacher was carefully observing her.

It was only as she was about to leave that he made a comment about her change in behavior.

"You're different."

"I moved on. Snow's curse forced me in the body of an infant and my own curse blocked most of my memories until I was hit with _this_. Besides... Cora wouldn't recognize me at all in my new form, which means she won't be inclined to get on my nerves again," said Regina flatly. "Not to mention it's hilarious to watch Snow fail at trying to bond with her own daughter who wants nothing to do with her and would rather spend time around me instead."

Seeing the smirk on Gold's face was satisfying. Apparently he completely agreed with that sentiment, since they only vaguely recognized him.

"You said you had a lead to where Bae is."

Regina gave him a flat look.

"I find it particularly surprising that you openly poisoned your own _grandson_ using my methods," she said cryptically as she left the store.

At least she was able to catch the stunned look on Gold's face through the window.

* * *

Lal was beyond amused at the look on Snow's face when she saw Emma and her "arch enemy" the Evil Queen shooting clay pigeons together and talking amicably about a possible trip to Italy.

Considering their curse, Emma honestly didn't mind acting as their "minder" to avoid awkward questions. Henry found the fact his parents and favorite uncles turned into toddlers rather amusing, all told. If only because everyone would automatically assume he was the 'older' one.

Besides, Lal had assured her they'd pay for her passport and the tickets both to and from Italy, so she could have a proper vacation with her son.

The incredulous look on her face really made Lal's day.

"Pull!"

Henry dutifully sent the two discs flying. Lal's exploded with expert ease, while Emma merely winged hers...but it was better than when she first tried it.

"Your shoulder is a bit off," said Lal, firmly in instructor mode. "Lower it a bit and try again."

Emma dutifully lowered the gun just a bit.

"Pull!"

This time she hit the pigeon well enough to make it properly explode.

"Much better," said Lal.

"What are you doing?" asked Snow baffled. And why was _Regina_ teaching _Emma_ how to shoot a gun?

"Stress release. Avoiding you is exhausting," Emma sniped. "Stay behind the fence if you don't want to get hit with the shrapnel."

She had a good view of Lal's face when she said that. The woman had openly admitted that out of the "Charmings", Emma was the _only_ one that didn't piss her off just by existing. So it was with great difficulty that she didn't smirk at the disbelieving look on Mary Margaret's face and the vindictively amused one on the Mayor's.

"Hey Mom, I saw Uncle Verde in town earlier. I think he said something about collecting samples since the curse broke."

"You can't visit him until he's gotten out of his mad scientist phase long enough to come out and actually _eat_ real food," said Lal without hesitation.

And by that she meant he wasn't allowed near the lab until Verde took him inside _personally_. He had a lot of traps around that place and even he wasn't stupid enough to put Henry in danger... except he didn't always _hear_ the doorbell and Henry had all the curiosity of a particularly foolish cat.

Mary Margaret looked just plain confused at the comment. Then again she didn't know who any of "Regina's" new friends were. She was still in shock that the woman had gotten _married_ and was ignoring them completely.

She missed the way Regina was crossing her fingers that the Charmings or their friends would be stupid enough to snoop in Verde's lab.

Lal was grinning much like Regina would have back in the Enchanted Forest. Henry's comment and the Charming's inability to leave things be when it came to the "Evil Queen" meant that they were snooping around the labs.

Mary Margaret was so sure that Emma was under a spell or a potion that she was down and determined to find a way to reverse it. And her husband was right there with her, if only to save the day again.

"They aren't seriously that stupid, are they?" asked Emma incredulous. Beside her Henry was watching with the popcorn in his lap.

"They are. They have trouble believing I could have moved on considering how much time and effort I spent trying to kill them," said Lal. She looked at the less than amused Verde. "This is recording?"

"And set to non-lethal. Though I must say allowing Fon and _Reborn_ to make the traps and punishments was cruel and unusual punishment."

"Yes, well you sometimes forget that not everyone can dodge machine gun fire," Lal sniped back.

Emma and Henry gave Verde an odd look. He rolled his eyes.

"In case you were wondering, not all the weapons in the armory are _legal_ to own. Especially in America. Though if the authorities ever did notice this place exists, Lal and Colonello would get a slap on the wrist for their military service and the fact they have the only keys."

Hearing the yelp, Lal grinned viciously at the shock on Mary Margaret's face.

She had stepped on a modified landmine that turned her a bright tacky red color that looked disturbingly like blood. Which only set her partner off, before he stepped on his own landmine and got turned a bright fluorescent pink that could be seen in the dark.

"Did I miss anything?" asked Gold.

Lal had offered to let him sit in and watch the fun as the two Charmings tried to find the 'potion or spell' used to bewitch their daughter. Belle had said she'd rather sit it out, but she'd watch the recording so long as neither of them were killed.

"They stepped on the first set of landmines. They're going to be particularly...colorful... by the time they get past the worst of Reborn's tricks."

Gold sat down and accepted the popcorn from Henry. After the shock Regina had given him regarding the fact Henry was directly related to him, he had gotten a sample from an amused Shamal (he really needed to find out where Regina found competent minions that could pour piss from a boot without the instructions on the heel), he had used a bit of magic.

Finding out she wasn't joking in the least had come as a shock. On the plus side, at least now he had confirmation his son was very much alive.

Regina had assured him that her contacts could track down his missing son and more or less kidnap him without alerting him to the fact his father was in the same realm as him.

He really needed to find out what Regina had gotten up to before she got her memories back... especially since she had become so much more entertaining than before. Seeing her lay David Charming flat on his ass was beyond hilarious to watch and never got old.


	10. Chapter 10

After the prank played on Snow and David, Lal was in a fairly good mood.

Right up until she started throwing up with consistency, every morning for the past week. It was starting to get annoying.

To top off her week, Dr. Whale finally gathered enough courage to start a riot with some of the inhabitants of the Enchanted Forest...those Lal had brought in from the Cosa Nostra knew better and stayed out of the way.

Lal would have answered the door, except she felt another bout of nausea hit her.

Colonello looked at his wife with concern...and suspicion. Emma had been in Storybrooke for at least three months and time had started to move when the clock started working again. And they hadn't exactly abstained since Henry found his birth mother... Emma was pretty good at watching Henry on what he called "Saturday Shag Night".

Hearing the loud commotion outside, Colonello grabbed one of his hand guns, made sure his knife was within reach (but firmly out of sight) and closed the door so no one noticed the Mayor throwing up. She had an image of being the untouchable demon trainer after all. Wouldn't be good for moral if the peasants got ideas above their stations because she was feeling a bit peaky.

Colonello plastered a look of dark amusement on his face as he opened the door, but firmly barred entry.

"Can I help you?"

"We want to see the Mayor," demanded Dr. Whale.

"If this is about the fact she replaced you as the head of the hospital a few years back, aren't you taking a grudge too far? Your methods were absolutely ridiculous," said Colonello flatly.

"Like I care about that! We want to know where she is!"

Hearing shouts of "Down with the Evil Queen!" and "Make her pay for what she did to us!", Colonello mock sighed. Then he drew his gun and fired a single round, silencing them rather effectively.

"Let's get one thing straight here. I don't give a single damn about your so called grievances with Regina, nor do I care about the curse she cast that kept you trapped in a false life for over twenty five years. And while magic is a bit harder to use here, she doesn't actually _need_ any to kill any of you. And we know where all the guns are kept and have the keys. So unless you all want to end up very, very dead at the hands of two trained snipers, get lost," said Colonello flatly.

And that was before they brought Fon and the others into the matter. If they wanted to try and hurt Lal, they'd have to go through them first.

Especially if what he suspected was true, because he wasn't above becoming a very territorial bastard who wouldn't hesitate to kill any of them for Lal.

Seeing the cold look in his eyes and the fact he was clearly very comfortable with a gun, most of the crowd began to get antsy. This wasn't going anything like they expected it to, so it only took the arrival of David and Emma to disperse the idiots.

Snow was still trying to wash the paint out her hair.

Once he was certain that the mob had properly dispersed (they'd relocate and keep an eye on the house for the next few days from Verde's lab, just to be sure), he went to check on his wife.

Lal looked absolutely _miserable_.

"That's it, I'm calling Shamal for a house visit. You're in no condition to do anything for the next few days," he said firmly, scooping her up in his arms.

That she didn't argue said volumes of how bad she felt.

When Shamal examined her, he turned to Colonello with a grin.

"So? Is it food poisoning or what?" demanded Lal.

"Congratulations, you two are going to be parents again."

"WHAT?!" shrieked Lal in shock.

"You're pregnant. At least a month and a half along."

Colonello had a massive grin on his face. Wait until the others heard about this!

"Wait... you're pregnant?" asked Emma.

"When you got the clock tower to move again, time in Storybrook started moving forward once more. And since we didn't exactly abstain from 'Saturday Shag Night', well, it was only a matter of time. Perhaps this is fate's way of telling Lal she can finally have a happy ending after all, since she's grown past her evil stage."

"Who said I grew past it? Regina's still a part of me, she's just dormant. Unless someone really pisses me off enough to brush off my old skills she is going to stay that way," said Lal.

"So I take it that Henry and I-Pin are going to have a new little sibling soon?" asked Fon.

"Who told you?" asked Lal.

"You forget I sense auras. I noticed you had an extra in your Chi, and since time is finally moving again it wasn't hard to figure out," said Fon.

"Bullshit."

"Colonello's been bragging," Fon admitted. "Expect the others to show up soon, especially since the curse is broken and these fools still think you're the same woman they dealt with before."

Lal was one of their own, and to sweeten the deal she was also the one who found a place where they didn't have to overly worry about the curse or being recognized. Storybrooke wasn't exactly perfect, but it was better than nothing.

"You do realize that until that sprog comes out we can't leave, right?" said Colonello.

"I know. Like hell am I letting Iemitsu's idiocy come near me or my children...and next time I won't be merciful enough to let the bastard live."

"I was really looking forward to seeing Italy too," said Henry disappointed.

"Oh we're still going kiddo. We just have to wait about seven or eight months," said Colonello ruffling his hair. "Which gives me plenty of time to teach you how to be a protective big brother for your new sibling when they come out."

"Does this mean I get to train with knives with Belphegor?" asked Henry hopefully.

"Means we're going to start you and Emma on basic combat skills and dirty tricks. Too bad Emma isn't a decade younger or we'd start her on basic Flame training... it's a bit risky waking them up so late, unless Verde can come up with something."

"What are Flames?"

"This world's version of magic," said Lal simply. "The full term is 'Dying Will Flames' or sometimes 'soul fire'. Depending on which one you have, you can do all sorts of strange things."

"Like?" asked Emma.

Fon held up a steel bar. To the amazement of Henry and Emma, he quite literally melted it into nothing using red fire.

"I have Storm, which means Disintegration. Colonello is Rain, which means Tranquility...think of him as a walking Valium that can also freeze things," said Fon.

"That explains so much," said Emma, eyeing Lal.

"I'm a Rain as well, though I also have Cloud, Mist and apparently Sky," said Lal.

Fon and Colonello stared at her.

"You're a Sky?"

"I suspect my Rain was replaced by Sky because of Gold attempting to annoy Regina. Not like I'm going to mess with it," shrugged Lal.

"What's so great about Skies?" asked Henry.

"Long story short, they're considered something akin to 'spiritual glue' among Flame users. They're also the rarest type next to Clouds. Most of them are natural leaders, and pretty charismatic so they're really coveted. Flame users tend to treat them like royalty, regardless of what their background is," explained Colonello.

"What about that blond kid, Belphegor?" asked Emma.

"Storm, same as Fon," said Lal immediately. "Only reason I know he's not lying about his royal status is because it's something you tend to pick up when you're born into it. No amount of training came properly fake it, and a real royal _always_ knows when someone is."

Which was another reason Belphegor loved coming to Storybrooke. Lal took his royal status seriously and let him use all his old training as a prince (albeit a visiting one) around her without acting like she was humoring him.

It was thanks to him that Henry had picked up most of that same bearing, even if he wasn't actually _aware_ of the fact that by emulating Belphegor he was actually being trained to act like proper royalty.

"Oh, right. Almost forgot I'm supposed to be some sort of princess."

"Unless we suddenly end up in the Enchanted Forest again, I wouldn't worry about it. If it really bugs you I can give you some lessons and odds are you'll pick up on it. Some things are instinctive."

"Hard to believe you hate my mother so much."

Snow was trying, but the simple fact was that Emma's life had been hell and suddenly having to adjust to having her parents in her life was not an easy transition. It really didn't help that Emma and Lal had more or less bonded over Henry, and Snow still didn't trust Regina in the least.

Emma and Lal were willing to put any differences aside for the good of their son. Even if Emma was still in shock when Fon finally let it slip _why_ Lal honestly didn't give a damn about Emma's criminal record... or a partial explanation anyway.

Finding out a good chunk of the more 'modern' citizens of Storybrooke were all mafia or former mafia had come as a massive shock. Emma really couldn't believe Shamal of all people was a trained hit man who used mosquitoes that were armed with diseases to kill people.

Once she got over it, any worries she had about Lal calling her a bad influence died. If Lal was fine with Henry interacting with people like Reborn (who she _could_ believe was a hit man), then odds are she wouldn't care about Emma.

Besides, it was ridiculously cathartic learning how to shoot things with her borrowed rifle, and Lal was a very good teacher.

"So, how are we going to deal with the townsfolk and their hatred of you? I doubt they're going to let the fact you're pregnant keep them from starting another riot," said Emma, changing the subject.

"That's easy. Colonello will take position on the clock tower while Fon acts as my escort if I have to go anywhere. First sign of actual violence and Colonello will wait for my signal to start maiming people. If all else fails I'll show them exactly what I picked up outside this town," said Lal dead serious.

"What do you mean maiming them?" asked Emma.

"Shots to the leg and non-fatal areas. I'll even use a smaller caliber so they have a chance to recover, but if it comes down to Lal or them, I won't lose any sleep over it," said Colonello immediately.

"Right, ex-military sniper."

"And Fon is faster than any of these idiots, so odds of them getting past him are so low it's practically nonexistent. Unless they somehow figure out how to work magic again anyway."

"I'm still amazed Gold let you go after what you did to Belle," said Emma.

After hearing the whole story and what a vindictive bastard Gold was, she didn't think he'd take the news Regina had his girlfriend this whole time lying down.

"I offered him something better than getting revenge on me and made myself more valuable to keep alive and unharmed long term," said Lal.

"What?" asked Henry.

"His grandson and a very strong lead on someone who could lead him to his missing son. And the agreement that when we find said son that they're forced to actually have a conversation with each other," said Lal.

"Let me guess... you're going to kidnap his son and drag his sorry behind to Storybrooke and not let them out until they've had an actual talk," said Emma dryly.

"Actually, yes," admitted Lal. "You really think my underworld connections don't extend to America?"

"So who's Gold's grandson?" asked Emma, wondering who it was. Surely the book would have mentioned it.

Lal smirked.

"Let's think... his son went missing from the Enchanted Forest and his father to get _away_ from magic, and there was no mention of him being old enough to have knocked a girl up while he was still with Gold," said Lal.

Emma blinked, before she paled.

"Wait... _Henry_ is related to Gold?"

"I got bored one year and did a mass DNA test to help Verde test out some new equipment out of boredom. Imagine my shock learning he was related to Rumpelstiltskin by accident."

"Wait... Mr. Gold is Rumpelstiltskin?" said Henry in disbelief. They never did figure out who he was.

"Gold is the Dark One," replied Lal. "Though I have to say his new name is less of a mouthful."

"Agreed," said Emma grimacing. "So Neal is Gold's son. Wonder if that's why he ditched me to get arrested by the cops."

"My birth father ditched you?" said Henry.

"All I know is we were supposed to meet up to leave America, and the next thing I know he never shows up and I end up arrested with stolen property," said Emma sourly.

"Is that why you gave me up?" asked Henry.

"To be fair, she wouldn't have been allowed to keep you even if she wanted. She was in prison after all," said Lal gently.

"...Does this mean I can learn several new moves to express my annoyance at my birth father for ditching my mom like that?" asked Henry after a moment to process this.

Colonello's grin was positively evil.

"Of course kiddo! Just remember to maim only... we still need him to keep Gold on our good side after all," said Colonello proudly.

"I suppose this means I shall have to increase your training then. After all, we have no idea of his skill level when it comes to fighting without magic," said Fon with a straight face.

Emma _almost_ felt sorry for Neal...except she was still pissed he had ditched her in the first place. So long as he wasn't permanently harmed she could look the other way.


	11. Chapter 11

_I really need to drag that brat into a lesson on the price of using magic. This is the second time she's pulled an idiotic stunt like this,_ thought Lal sourly. At least this time she wasn't forcibly turned back into an infant or cursed again.

And she wasn't alone either. Emma had tried to grab her when Snow pushed Lal into the portal, only to end up dragged along with her. At least she knew Henry wasn't going to be fooled by Snow's claims of being the hero this time. Not only had he come in right as they were being pulled into the portal, but he also knew that his mother hadn't actually been antagonizing the Charmings once since the curse broke.

Snow had no reason to send Lal away like that when she had gone out of her way to avoid the idiot.

Hearing something, Lal slowly got up and looked out from under whatever they were at. She paled at the wraith, but was quick to grab a rock when the lone male of the group went to pick up the amulet he cut off.

"Are you an idiot?! Are you _trying_ to get Wraith Marked?" she demanded as she hit him with the small rock with expert precision. One of her favorite ways to motivate her students was to throw gravel at them in painful areas.

It took her several seconds to realize a few things.

One, she sounded _exactly_ like Regina at the moment. Two, she felt the familiar feel of magic but not the town wards. Three, they were staring at her before drawing their weapons in alarm. And four, she recognized two of them and could make a good guess at who the third was.

"Regina!"

She looked at her hands in annoyance. She was going to strangle that damn idiot.

"What are you doing here?" asked the Asian girl. If Lal was right, then she was likely Mulan... Fon was going to be so peeved when he found out Lal had run into two things he had been looking for in the Enchanted Forest...a dragon and the girl he had been hoping to get an autograph from.

"Blame that idiot Snow White. And you! What the hell were you thinking, trying to pick up an obviously magical artifact that you cut off from a _wraith_? Are you really that stupid?" she said to Phillip.

Mulan looked at her oddly, as did Aurora and Phillip.

"Why do you care?" asked Mulan slowly.

Lal openly rolled her eyes. Heroes, it was like they didn't have a whit of common sense between them.

"In case you haven't noticed, you're the only other humans around besides myself and Emma. And if he was marked then that means the wraith would stick around and could easily come after _me_ ," said Lal flatly. She didn't know what the effects of Dying Will Flames would have on a Wraith, but she certainly wasn't in the mood to find out _now_. Not when she was pregnant.

Hearing a groan, Lal didn't take her eyes off the trio before her. She didn't trust any of these idiots not to try and attack her. Emma managed to get out on her own and she didn't take long to assess the situation.

"What's going on?"

"Your idiot mother sent us to what's left of the Enchanted Forest, and this idiot was nearly marked by a dementor," said Lal flatly.

"Wait... dementors are real?" said Emma in disbelief.

"They're called wraiths and they have to mark their prey first, but it's the same thing," said Lal dismissively. "When we get back I am going to give that fool mother of yours a piece of my mind... if for no other reason than for breaking into my office."

"Yeah, go for it," said Emma.

Snow brought that lecture on herself, and Emma was starting to see why Lal was always so frustrated when dealing with her. Her blind optimism was seriously annoying.

Emma looked around, before asking "So who are they?"

"Aurora, Prince Phillip and I'm guessing Mulan."

"...Fon is going to be so annoyed you ran into her first."

"Tell me about it. He still hasn't stop annoying me over the fact I didn't tell him I found Maleficent in the basement in dragon form," said Lal rolling her eyes.

Mulan and the others looked very confused at this point. Especially since it was becoming very clear the Evil Queen had very little interest in attacking them or even deeming them worthy of her attention, save for as potential hostiles.

"So how did you two escape the curse? Her, I can understand considering Maleficent would have left protection spells, but you two would have been fair game," asked Lal.

"We don't know. All we know is that the curse seemed to pass over a large area where we were and only a handful managed to escape it. Almost like a barrier protected us," said Mulan reluctantly.

Lal narrowed her eyes.

"A barrier?" she repeated, a sneaking suspicion coming to mind.

It would not surprise her in the least to find out Cora had faked her death and managed to hide behind a barrier, unintentionally sparing a handful of others.

"Why does that not sound like a good thing?" asked Emma.

"Because it raises a serious question of whether or not my mother is among the 'survivors'. She has the power to put up a barrier strong enough to avoid the curse," said Lal flatly. "On an unrelated note if it was her, then that means I'll have something to bargain with the Wicked Witch from Oz in order to get us home."

She was _not_ relying on her sister's charity towards a younger sibling. Villains rarely had the habit of being _nice_ without something being in it for them in the process. Lal would know, because Regina was exactly like that.

However bribing Zelena with a chance to get an answer from Cora about why she was abandoned? That would definitely earn some major brownie points with the green-skinned witch, possibly enough to earn a trip home.

Even if it ran the high risk of Zelena or Cora following them. At least in Storybrooke she had allies she could rely on that wouldn't stab her in the back for it later.

Mulan was definitely suspicious of Regina, as were the two lovebirds.

However a tentative truce was temporarily established thanks to Emma acting as the go-between for them.

The fact Lal was _finally_ able to adjust her appearance back to the odd amalgamation of Regina and Lal's physical features helped a lot, as did the fact they set up camps far enough to keep their distance, but close enough to keep the other party within sight. Emma was annoyed at having to get the firewood, but didn't complain overly much considering she saw the looks Phillip and Mulan were giving Lal.

It was as they were halfway there that Mulan finally asked...

"What did you mean when you said one of your friends is going to be so annoyed you met me first?"

"Fon is a martial artist and he's quite a fan of yours. He once came to the Enchanted Forest a few times before the curse to try and meet you to get your autograph," explained Lal. "Even his daughter would love to meet you, even if it was just once."

"Why?" asked Mulan baffled.

"Probably because you're a warrior of some renown in our world, or in I-Pin's case because you're a girl but you can still beat up bigger and stronger guys," explained Emma. "Have you ever been outside the Enchanted Forest?"

"Never," said Mulan.

"Must be a coincidence then. There's a historical figure in our world that's known as the woman who saved an entire country from an invading force, despite the fact that women weren't allowed to be in the army to begin with and were often executed if caught," said Emma. "Her name was Mulan as well."

Mulan looked quite surprised to hear that.

"You seem quite comfortable being in the Evil Queen's presence. Do you know who she is?"

"A woman who made a very concentrated effort to rip the heart quite literally out of my mother's body and crush it because she told a secret that she should have kept. And when that failed cast a curse that left me without any family at all for 28 years," said Emma flatly. "She's also the woman who's been raising my son for eleven years to be a good man. We've agreed to a long standing truce for his sake."

"Who is your mother?" asked Aurora. She could understand a truce for the sake of a child.

"Snow White," said Emma.

"Your mother is Snow White and yet you still ally yourself with Regina?"

"Regina didn't send me through a magic portal right after I was born and leave me without anyone to call family. I grew up being sent from family to family, some of which weren't very nice at all," said Emma flatly. "And I'm beginning to see Regina' point when she said that Snow sees the world through rose-tinted glasses without thinking of the consequences first... it's her fault we ended up here in the first place, despite the fact Regina has been ignoring them since the curse broke."

Mulan eyed Lal for a moment, before comprehension came upon her face. There was something distinctly different about Regina, and not just because she was more or less ignoring the fact they existed.

"I see," said Mulan.

Emma was about to say something when Lal interrupted. She had sharp hearing.

"Right, we might as well get this out of the way before we reach whatever camp you've managed to make. If only so I don't have to deal with the air headed princess who pissed Maleficent off enough to end up under a sleeping curse," said Lal bluntly. She slid into a clear stance to attack without magic, causing Mulan to unconsciously take her own.

"You make it sound like you can defeat us all without magic," said Mulan, hand on her sword.

Lal paused, before giving her a flat look.

"You can use your sword if you want, but I'm not the same woman who cursed the forest almost thirty years ago. I've gotten a lot more mature since then," said Lal, sliding into a stance.

Mulan didn't even think twice about the unspoken offer to a fight. She drew her sword, and took her own stance.

"Is this really necessary?" asked Aurora, eyeing the whole thing.

"Lal is pretty pissed with Snow for sending us here, and Mulan is too high strung because she thinks she's still dealing with the Evil Queen, not the woman who grew out of the shadow created by her old self," said Emma shrugging. "Might as well let them get this out now before there's more people involved."

She might not know much about warriors, but she did know that sometimes they needed to judge each other through their fists (or whatever weapon they favored) before they were willing to even remotely trust someone.

Mulan struck first, and Lal easily parried. If Mulan noticed that Lal deliberately altered any blows to the stomach area (not that she made many), then she said nothing. It was fairly obvious that the princess and her idiot prince didn't notice anything off, but Emma did.

It was with some surprise that Mulan found herself pinned an hour later by an amused Lal Mirch...who then proceeded to help the other woman up.

Mulan put her sword away, a look of wary respect entering her eyes.

"You are definitely not the Evil Queen."

"I go by Lal Mirch now. My old job was training complete rookies into proper warriors," said Lal, holding out her hand.

Mulan shook it firmly.

"So she's not Regina?" asked Aurora.

"I put Regina behind me when I got my memories back. She was happy giving Snow White a black eye and a broken nose, and would gladly ignore her very existence if the idiot didn't keep trying to 'rescue' her daughter from me," said Lal dryly.

* * *

 _Back in Storybrooke_

"Where did you send my wife and Emma?" demanded Colonello. He had David pinned to the wall and he wasn't using magic to do it.

"What did your wife do to our daughter?" Snow countered. Emma talked more with Regina than she did her own parents!

"All my wife did was come to an agreement with Emma concerning Henry. They're willing to put any differences Lal has with you idiots aside in order to keep the peace. In case you haven't noticed, she's been _ignoring_ the fact you even exist in the same town as us since the curse broke," said Colonello flatly.

"Don't lie. We know Regina did something."

"Dear god, no wonder Lal dislikes you two idiots so much. Emma has had to grow up all alone for _twenty eight_ _years_ because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. She has gone between family to family, some of which weren't very nice and had to live off the streets. Do you even know what that does to a person, much less a child who had absolutely no idea why her parents abandoned her?"

"We didn't abandon her!" said Snow.

"You shoved her into a magic wardrobe that left her on the side of the road with only a baby blanket that gave her a name. That is the textbook definition of abandonment and it makes you no better than Cora," said Colonello bluntly.

Lal told him about Zelena and what happened to her. How Cora abandoned her because she wasn't born of royal blood.

Snow flinched at that.

"Besides, you two are the idiots who can't seem to figure out it's never a good idea to piss off someone who's a trained marksman _and_ has access to a very wide variety of guns and high caliber ammunition to blow your brains out from a distance," said Colonello, his smile all teeth.

Unlike these two, Colonello and the others didn't _need_ magic to be terrifying or good at disposing of large mobs. Almost every mafioso or informed civilian who came to Storybrooke to get away from the Cosa Nostra would side with Lal Mirch over some princess who needed a desperate reality check.

He didn't know what Flame type Snow was, but he highly doubted it was Sky. The only reason people were siding with her was because they didn't like the way Regina ran things and didn't realize that they could do a lot worse than a queen with a major revenge streak.

He was starting to see why Lal detested "peasants" so much if they were this much of a pain in the ass to deal with.

He snorted when the dwarves came running to report the fact that the wards kept everyone stuck in town.

" _Idiota,"_ muttered Colonello under his breath.


	12. Chapter 12

Lal was not happy. Scratch that, she was downright pissed.

First she ends up back in the Enchanted Forest with only a half-trained Emma as back-up, then she has to deal with annoying heroes who can't even say _thank you_ for saving that idiot prince from being wraith-marked, and to top off her already shitty week that twit Aurora basically crowed to the entire camp who she was.

Which lead to now.

Emma didn't even bat an eye at the fact Lal was swearing about the idiocy of heroes and peasants alike in Italian. She might not be fluent in it (yet) but it was a well known fact the first thing ANYONE learned when taking up a new language was how to swear in it. It didn't take a genius to figure out that Lal was venting in a way the idiots who locked them in here wouldn't understand.

"Someone sounds rather unhappy," commented a woman's voice from behind. From the way Lal stiffened and the angry look in her eyes, Emma was going to guess that her suspicion about her mother Cora were correct.

"And someone should mind their own business," snapped Lal. "Emma, take anything that _snake_ tells you with a grain of salt. I'd sooner trust that idiot princess and her half-witted prince with a simple task than accept any help from _her_."

Considering Aurora reminded Emma rather strongly of Mary Margaret and her rather foolish attempts to convince her daughter that Regina wasn't trustworthy, that said volumes.

Emma ignored Cora, though kept her within eyesight. Considering this woman had a name like the "Queen of Hearts" and Lal had stated outright that she had gotten it by being a little too trigger happy with a magic that allows one to _literally_ rip hearts out of chests and control or kill them with it, she wasn't exactly inclined to show any amount of trust like turning her back on the woman.

It was then Emma noticed something wrapped around Lal's waist from when she 'swapped' out that rather garish and overdone royal dress for something far more sensible for walking in.

Pants were so much simpler and easier to move in than a dress that expensive looking.

"What's with the fanny pack?"

Lal blinked, before reaching around and touching it. Once she opened it, a strange look crossed her face.

It was almost terrifying, and Emma hoped she was never on the wrong end of it.

"...You just found something that's going to make our trip to Oz that much easier, didn't you?" asked Emma dryly.

Lal's evil cackling pretty much confirmed her suspicions.

"When we get back I'll hook you up with one of these so long as you can prove you can hit the broad side of a car with your hand gun," said Lal grinning.

Emma grinned at that.

Cora looked confused, which was fine by them. She was collateral/hostile hostage in their opinion. Lal certainly wasn't going to lose any sleep over what she planned to do with the twit who gave birth to her the first time.

Seeing the rope come down, Lal quickly replaced her bag and hid it under her shirt. The fact none of the idiots thought to confiscate it said volumes of how pathetic their common sense was. Then again, even if they _had_ looked into it, it would have appeared empty.

She was not pleased with being held by sword point and even less happy at the way that fool Aurora was looking at her.

"Well this is unexpected," commented the knight.

Lal openly made a face.

"Great, just what we didn't need. A self righteous ex-knight who was kicked out of Camelot for pissing off Arthur," snarked Lal.

Emma blinked.

"Wait, Camelot is real?" she said in disbelief.

"...Your own mother is Snow White and her half-wit Prince, and you're doubting Camelot is real?" she replied dryly.

"...Point. Exactly how many of those so-called fairy tales are real anyway?"

"More than you'd think, and more than I'd like," said Lal sourly.

"You're Snow White's daughter?"

"Unfortunately," said Emma. "She hasn't exactly been making a lot of stellar choice decision making lately, especially when it comes to the Evil Queen."

"Look, what do you want?" asked Lal bluntly.

"To the point. I want to know why you're here," said Lancelot.

"Snow White is an idiot and someone should really teach her to quit messing around with magic that she hasn't got a chance in hell of actually understanding," deadpanned Lal.

"I was being serious."

"So was I."

"Snow hit her with a curse meant to send Lal away, but didn't count on me trying to stop her from disappearing," said Emma. "We just want to get home, even if it means making a deal no one is exactly happy with."

"We can get rid of Cora for you, no questions asked," said Lal bluntly.

"What do you intend to do with the Evil Queen's mother?" asked Lancelot.

Lal narrowed her eyes at him.

"I'm not saying another word until you can prove one thing," said Lal, already reaching for her knife.

"And what's that?" asked Lancelot.

Lal moved before anyone saw her do so except for Emma, who had the sense to follow her lead.

"If there's one thing living around Cora has taught me, it's never to take _anything_ at face value. And shapeshifting is just one of her many tricks. If that idiot Aurora told everyone who I was, then you'd have far more guards around us and wouldn't be so calm about this situation. Which means you're either an impostor, or under her control," said Lal, making damn sure she had her knife to his carotid artery.

Mulan already had her sword drawn.

"What is the meaning of this?"

"Cora wouldn't put a barrier around this place or allow you to keep her locked up out of the goodness of her non-existent heart," said Lal flatly. "She faked her death before the curse even hit and is just waiting for her chance to reunite with the daughter who sent her to Wonderland in the first place. And if this really _is_ Lancelot, then he's being far too lax about having someone even remotely identified as the Evil Queen in his camp. Only an idiot would have put Regina with Cora in the same cell."

Emma was frowning.

"I might not know much about magic, but if even a fraction of what I've heard about this Cora is true then she has a valid point. Putting two women with such obvious titles like Evil Queen and Queen of Hearts in the same cell is just asking for trouble," said Emma. "Especially if they have a history with each other."

Mulan frowned...but slowly removed her hand from her sword.

"You can't be seriously listening to this!" said Aurora.

"I wish I could dismiss their claims... however shapeshifting _is_ a well known aspect of Cora's abilities," she reluctantly conceded. "It is not that far a stretch to assume that she could have taken Lancelot's place and used his form to hide the fact she was free and still has magic. However that doesn't mean we trust you."

"Then don't," said Lal. "I could care _less_ if you trust us or not. If Cora really is free then she'll track us down anyway, which gives _me_ a chance to deal with her my own way. All you have to do is give us a basic idea of what the current state of the Enchanted Forest is like and we'll leave you to your own business."

"You aren't seriously considering letting them go!" said Aurora hotly.

"Unless you have a magic user you can trust to handle _me_ , much less Cora then you don't have much of a choice," said Lal flatly.

Mulan was decidedly unhappy about all this, but even she knew when they were facing unfavorable odds. And for all intents and purposes it seemed the Evil Queen may have actually changed since the curse. That or she had something else planned and was content to ignore them for now. Either way sending her off meant they had a chance to at least prepare for the worst if she did try something.

Lal did let Lancelot go... but there was a distinct aura of mistrust between him and the peasants now. Especially since everyone knew that Cora was capable of pretending to be someone else to get the trust of the people.

* * *

 _Some time later..._

"The Ogres have returned. The land is very different since the curse was cast. We are safe for the moment, but that could change very quickly," said Mulan reluctantly.

"Why are you trusting her?" demanded Aurora.

"I'm not," said Mulan. "But if giving her basic information means she leaves us and attracts Cora's attention away from the camp, then we might as well let her go. We don't exactly have a ready defense for the level of magic either of them are capable of using."

"A hero with actual common sense and the ability to understand when it's easier to humor the potential hostile. Color me impressed," snarked Lal.

"Lal," said Emma in warning.

"I'm sorry, but learning that manipulative bitch is alive and in the same realm is killing my already shot nerves," said Lal.

"What makes you so certain Cora will follow you?" asked Phillip.

"She's obsessed with power and she likes to pretend she's a good mother. Odds are the second she figures out I'm Regina, or even suspects I am she'll try to get on my good side so she can manipulate me to do what she wants for her own benefit," said Lal. "Which is why we're not going to be saying anything about how we intend to get home."

"We can provide you weapons, if you need it. But that's all the assistance we'll give you," said Mulan.

"We have that covered. I highly doubt Emma knows how to use a sword or a bow, and ogres are the _least_ of what I'm worried about at the moment," said Lal shaking her head.

"Okay, now I'm _really_ curious as to why you were in such a good mood earlier," said Emma.

Lal put something on the table and smirked.

"C4 yourself," she said smugly.

"...Question retracted. Hammer space?" asked Emma, staring at the odd block with wiring warily.

"Close enough...drove Verde nuts trying to figure it out before he gave up. Just know that it connects to the armory and leave it at that," said Lal, putting the block up. "On an unrelated note I will be drawing some ogres to us so I can properly vent my frustration with your mother. Might as well give you some live fire practice while we're here and there's no one to bitch about the noise complaints."

Emma rolled her eyes.

"Gun junkie," she said exasperated.

"And proud of it. So much easier than the stuff they have here," said Lal. "So go fill up your canteen and we'll head out. Just know that if anyone is stupid enough to follow us we are not going to be held responsible for their safety."

"So do you really think Cora is going to follow us?"

"Yes," said Lal without hesitation. "She's a control freak and she likes to pretend she actually gives a damn about her kids, despite abandoning one and manipulating the other."

"Do you really have a connection to the armory, or was that just a fluke?"

Lal tossed her something and Emma nearly dropped it in shock.

"Question retracted," she said, carefully tossing it back.

She wasn't exactly _comfortable_ handling what could only be a live grenade, thankfully with the pin firmly attached.

"So what do I need to know about ogres?"

"Big, dumb, and attracted by sounds. They like to rip people limb from limb, so your best bet is ranged attacks and hoping like hell they don't sneak up on your ass. Somewhat vulnerable to magic if you have the power to pull it off on multiple targets. I'm surprised you're following my lead so easily."

"You treat me like one of your green recruits and I'm not stupid enough to argue with an ex-military woman with more experience in this place than I do. I know you'll tell me exactly what I need to know in an unvarnished way without treating me like a child in the process," said Emma flatly. "Besides, we need to work together anyway for Henry's sake if nothing else."

Lal chuckled at that. Emma knew very well that if Lal tried to leave her then she'd never hear the end of it from Henry. And to be honest Emma had a more down-to-earth and realistic view of the world than her mother did without pissing her off just by existing in the same room as Lal.

"At least you know how to keep a secret."

"Considering this whole mess started because my mother couldn't keep quiet on something that wasn't her business, I would like to think I learned from her mistake," said Emma dryly. "Besides only an idiot would piss someone off that has access to sniper rifles and the training to use it."

Lal let out a bark of laughter at that.

"So what are the odds of Cora following us?"

"Give her until nightfall at least, or when are guards are going to be down. Odds are she'll attempt to make contact then and that's when we'll get her."

"How?"

"How do you feel about climbing trees? Just be careful not to break any branches or she might figure it out."

* * *

As Lal predicted, Cora came across their camp sometime in the night. She had the same smug look Lal had been expecting of her mother.

"Hello mother," said Regina in her usual tone.

"Regina. How good to see you again."

"I wish I could say the the same. Last time we met you were playing dead in a coffin before I cast my curse," said Regina evenly.

"Really dear, did you think that I would die so easily?"

"You always did have the tenacity of a particularly annoying cockroach," said Regina.

Cora's smile thinned a bit at that.

"How did you come back?"

"Snow White really shouldn't play with magic so much," said Regina.

Lal Mirch was not a fool. While her Regina double (playing off the memories she had of her past life) kept Cora occupied, she was putting all her skills of stealth and illusions to hide her presence. Cora couldn't possibly know she was there until it was already too late. Then again she had no idea of the extra measures Lal had put into place to insure that she was able to remove Cora as a threat until after they reached Oz.

Emma and Lal had already taken the counter agent to the scentless, almost impossible to detect paralytic agent that Fon had in the armory. It was harmless enough, but when you added heat to it, then it made a very effective way of dealing with a large number of enemies in an enclosed space.

In an open area, the effects were dispersed a bit more evenly but that made it far harder to detect even if it took a bit longer to act. And it had been dispersing since 'Regina' had stepped on the wood that sent it right into the heart of the fire.

Cora made no sign of whether she realized the danger she was in. Lal wouldn't have cared if she _had_.

It was with some relief that when Cora _did_ finally notice Lal behind her, that the paralytic agent had taken full effect making her reaction time sluggish and her magic almost impossible to use from how much it had dulled her senses.

With the practiced ease of someone who had done this maneuver with Fon so often she could almost do it blindfolded, she jabbed a senbon needle into Cora's neck at a very precise point.

Cora dropped like a stone. Lal checked her pulse.

"What the hell did you do to her?"

"Pressure point. Puts her into a false death state for some time, and when she comes out of it, it'll take her several hours before she's capable of using her magic on us," said Lal simply. "The drugs I put into the air were just so her reaction was slow enough for me to pull this off. She's not someone I'd go up against in a straight up fight where she knew I was working against her."

Cora was older, more experienced when it came to treachery, and she had an emotional advantage over Regina. All things that set Lal Mirch on edge and made her wary about direct confrontations without one hell of an advantage beforehand.

Regina would have walked right into the woman's manipulations. Lal Mirch planned accordingly based on what she knew of the enemy and then came up with plans and counterplans.


	13. Chapter 13

One could call it the oddest friendship between two unlikely people. On one side sat the Dark One himself, Rumpelstiltskin. On the other was Skull de Mort, the 'weakest' of the Arcobaleno and self-proclaimed immortal.

What could the two possibly have in common? One was cursed with immortality and enormous dark powers, never mind that pretty much everyone hated him for what he had done. The other was a stuntman too stubborn to die and was the Lackey of the others with a penchant for wearing make up and being annoying.

And yet Skull had taken one look at "Mr. Gold" and offered him a drink and a sympathetic ear, no deals or strings required.

It had only taken one brief conversation to create a very unlikely friendship.

All over the subject of cowardice.

Rumpelstiltskin was known as a coward even before the curse. He had run from the Ogre Wars, he had been too afraid to give up his powers in exchange for following his son to another land where magic supposedly didn't exist, and he refused to give up magic even though it was starting to drive his girlfriend away.

"People who think being a coward is a bad thing are full of shit. What's so great about being brave when it's another term for being unrealistic about your own chances of survival?" said Skull flatly the first time they sat down for some strong alcohol.

"You sound like you have experience," said Gold, pouring himself a drink.

"I'm a coward and not ashamed of it. I'd rather be honest about what I am than pretend I'm some fool who's brave to the point of stupid. There's a major difference between being brave and having courage and I'm open enough to admit I know when it's time to turn tail and haul ass the other direction," said Skull flatly, knocking back the remainder of his drink. "Take what Henry told me about you, for example. People called you a coward for abandoning the Ogre wars and not dying a hero's death. What's the point of being a 'war hero' when it leaves your wife alone at home to raise your son with no support? I highly doubt the idiot king sending good men to do all the dying would have cared about her, and he tried to drag your son into it as well! Better to be the coward who loved his son enough not to care what people thought of him than a dead hero!"

Rumpelstiltskin froze, hearing that. It was the first time anyone had actually _praised_ his common sense for leaving the battle the way he had, even though the other men stayed to die.

"You...actually agree I made the right choice?" he said slowly, as if in disbelief hearing such a thing.

Skull looked him square in the eyes and gave him an answer he didn't expect to hear.

"Your methods might be questionable, but I can't fault you for _why_ you did it in the first place. Yes you made mistakes, but you cared enough about your son to stay and try your best, even if it came back to haunt you in a rather spectacular way. I can respect that even if some of the stories I've heard in the aftermath don't paint you in a very good light," replied Skull.

Gold swirled the drink in his glass for a bit. He was not a good man, he would openly attest to that.

"And what about the rest?"

"You mean taking on the curse? Considering the circumstances you were doing one of the few things you could to protect your son. And with that limp of yours, it's doubtful you would have been able to keep him safe without your magic. You were doing everything you could to be a good father, even if he wasn't able to appreciate what you went through," said Skull. "The fact he's alive means that maybe we can talk some sense into that thick skull of his so you can at least talk to each other without him trying to leave again, or hear your side of the story."

Rumpelstiltskin was rather glad he didn't follow through on his first impulse and send a wraith after Regina...no, Lal Mirch now. If he had, then it was unlikely he'd find someone who understood him so well.

Skull didn't even try to pretend he understood everything about the Dark One. He honestly didn't care. He just felt that it was unfair everyone was biased against Rumpelstiltskin for being a coward in the first place.

"So... how did Lal meet all of you?" he asked, changing the subject.

"Someone was gathering the World's strongest Flame users, and she was among the group. Only for Colonello to take her place last minute," said Skull, accepting the subject change. "If you want to know more about this place, you can ask. I tend to drift from place to place a lot so I've picked up a few things."

"Really," said Gold, openly interested. "Tell me more..."

"Well for starters you won't _believe_ some of the weird customs I've run into while picking up new movies for the theater in town," said Skull grinning, glad to have an avid listener that wasn't Henry.

* * *

"Hey, little man. How are you holding up?" asked Colonello.

Henry hugged him.

"I miss Mom. Both of them."

"Yeah, I miss her too. On the plus side it looks like they're both alright," said Colonello.

"Really? How do you know?" asked Henry.

"Would you believe it if I said I can feel they're both alright in here?" he asked, thumping his chest in the general area of the heart.

"Not really."

"How about the fact that there's been several things removed from the armory, particularly ammo and a rather large number of small, but powerful explosives like the grenades missing despite the fact it's been under lock and key this whole time?" he asked.

"That I can believe," said Henry smiling. "Why would she need grenades though?"

"Your book said there was ogres and crap in that realm, right? Maybe they took advantage of the fact there was a lack of human presence and decided to make another bid for the area," shrugged Colonello. "There's an easy way to find out."

"How?"

Colonello took a post-it note and wrote something in military short hand, before sticking it on the next available box of ammo for Lal's preferred weapon, while putting in a pen and another stack of post-it notes inside the box.

Colonello brought Henry with him to find that his original note was missing, but a new one (on different colored paper) was now sticking on the general area of the box.

He grinned.

"Told you they were alive," he said.

"How did she get a note through?"

"Remember that one series Fon always scoffs at where the main character does that whole gender-switching thing with warm and cold water? The one with the guy that's almost completely blind and yet uses a ridiculous number of weapons?"

" _Ranma ½_?" repeated Henry.

"Pretend that Viper managed to hook us up with whatever trick Mousse uses to hold so many weapons and showed us how to access it anywhere with the right bag. We can access the armory directly, but we can't travel through it to get between realms."

Henry could believe that. He was very open minded when it came to magic.

"So Mom saw the note and realized you knew she was accessing it...and left a note behind for us to find?"

"Exactly!" said Colonello, ruffling his hair.

"So what did she say?"

"...Think you're mature enough not to repeat any of the language you may or may not hear until you can blame learning it on Mary Margaret or her enabling husband?" asked Colonello seriously.

Henry grinned at his dad.

"I solemnly swear that I am up to no good and will blame Snow White or her husband for any swear words I may or may not pick up while Mom's gone," said Henry seriously.

Colonello grinned mischievously.

"That's my boy. She said and I quote _'I am going to grab that idiot by the neck and tan her ass raw for messing around with magic again!'_ proceeded by a large number of symbols generally associated with some rather strong words and the fact she's been happily venting on some unlucky ogres. Apparently their superior hearing really, really doesn't like explosions."

At least she was having fun.

* * *

 _In Granny's Diner..._

David did not see the punch to the face coming, and the only reason Colonello didn't do the same for Snow was because she was sitting down at the time.

"What was that for?" demanded David.

"Your idiot wife sent my wife and your daughter right into an area where there is a rather large number of ogres wandering around," said Colonello flatly.

Snow paled hearing that.

"How do you know that?"

Colonello held up the post-it note.

"Viper helped make special packs that connect directly to the armory in town. I noticed several things were going missing and it looks like Lal managed to find a way to summon her pack to her, despite being in another realm. She rather pissed with your wife at the moment, because not only have they had to deal with ogres and idiots who aren't exactly happy with Regina, but someone named Cora has already been sniffing around the two of them and has tried to make contact with Regina," said Colonello.

Snow's pale face went white as a sheet.

"Cora? She specifically said _Cora_ was there?!"

"Who's Cora?" asked Colonello.

"Cora is Regina's mother. Last I heard she was in Wonderland," said David. Suddenly the punch to the face was perfectly justified. Though hearing about the Ogres would have been enough in any case.

"In other words my mother-in-law is apparently not someone Lal would be happy about having around," said Colonello. "Good to know."

If even the heroes were having a bad reaction just to hearing the name, then this Cora must be one of the major 'villains'. He should probably get a feel for what she is like from Gold... he seemed the type to have a general idea of who all the major 'bad guys' were in the Enchanted Forest.

"How is Regina handling ogres on top of Cora?" asked Snow. She had wanted to get rid of the bad influence to her daughter, not send Regina right into the arms of that woman all over again!

"Apparently ogres really, _really_ don't like explosives," grinned Colonello.

"But sound attracts them!"

"And if they have sensitive enough hearing, exactly how well do you think they'll react to something known to make people go temporarily deaf at close range, or having a grenade thrown at them?" countered Colonello. "Considering the amount of those gone from the armory it seems she's having fun venting her frustration with you messing around with magic again on _them_."

Gold, the moment he heard the name, had an expression that said far too much about what this "Cora" was like.

Colonello brought Henry with him, mostly because he would rather his son be forewarned then caught up in someone's schemes. He was old enough to be told, at least.

"Cora is... well she's a manipulative witch who won't hesitate to use anyone to her advantage. She was one of my best students," admitted Rumpelstiltskin.

"You don't need to hold back on your real feelings about her," said Colonello.

"If mom asks I'll tell her I picked any bad words from David or Mary Margaret," chirped Henry.

Gold smirked at that.

"Fine, she's a complete bitch and if she even thinks she can use someone to further her own ends...such as using Henry to get closer to Regina...then she'll do it and she won't care about the damage it causes anyone but herself," said Gold flatly. "There's a very good reason she earned the moniker Queen of Hearts in Wonderland and it's not because she's managed to attract several suitors. I might be bad, but she's far worse because she doesn't care about her kin."

"Whereas you became the Dark One to _save_ your son from an idiot," said Colonello. "So what does this Cora look like anyway?"

"One question. How do you know she ran into Cora?"

Colonello held up a sticky note with Lal's handwriting.

"Viper made these bags that connect to the armory, but it's impossible to pull people through it... using it to grab munitions or to leave messages for others to find is doable though. From what I can tell she's having far too much fun throwing grenades at ogres."

"And how does she plan to deal with her mother?"

Colonello handed over the other note for Gold to read.

" _'We're going to trade the Queen of Hearts for a possible ride home. Hopefully my older sister is in a good mood when we make our way to Oz.'"_ he read incredulous. "She's going to use _Cora_ as collateral for _Zelena_?"

It was brazen and it might possibly work. If anyone knew how to summon a travel storm, it would be Zelena.


	14. Chapter 14

Zelena stared at the two women who managed to basically steam roll over her security, with a third in tow and quite clearly gagged with her magic bound.

If anyone had said this was how she was _finally_ going to meet her mother who abandoned her, she would have laughed at them in the face.

"So what do I owe this little visit from the Evil Queen?" asked Zelena, not falling for the new look. This was clearly Regina, regardless of her appearance.

"Drop it, _sister_. I came to make a trade with you," said Regina flatly.

"What sort of trade?"

"I want you to summon a travel storm to a general area in the Land Without Magic."

"And what do I get for helping you?" asked Zelena curious.

"How about all the time you could possibly want to ask _our_ mother why she abandoned you and chose me instead," said Regina bluntly.

Zelena stared at her, she couldn't help it.

"You know."

"Let's just say I've had far too much experience of late with unexpected side effects of two or more curses mixing and leave it at that. So how about it, Cora for a ride back to Storybrooke?" asked Regina.

"So let me get this straight. You came all the way here to hand over our mother...in exchange for a ride home."

"That and I actually wanted to meet my older sister since we were in an area where magic actually works normally. You'd be surprised how easy it is to blow up an ogre."

"You had way too much fun with that. I think they started avoiding us when they saw you after the fifth one," commented the other woman.

Regina's smirk was not for the faint of heart.

"And who is this?" asked Zelena, trying to wrap her head around this.

"Emma Swan, Snow White's daughter."

"Also abandoned on the side of the road because my parents were idiots," said Emma.

Zelena blinked at that admission. Most people wouldn't be so up front about it.

"Is that supposed to endear me to you or something?"

"Not in the least. I barely tolerate my own mother and I actually agree with your sister in that she's an overly optimistic idiot who needs a reality check," said Emma without hesitation or remorse.

"Mind if I take a few days to consider this?"

"Feel free, though I'd keep the gag on Cora if I were you. The woman is slippery enough that she might try to run before you've had a nice, long talk about what she did if you remove it and someone is stupid enough to believe her," said Regina.

From what Zelena saw of her... _their_ mother, she could believe it and to be honest this was a sort of unofficial revenge for abandoning her all those years ago.

* * *

Emma yawned and didn't do more than blink a bit when she heard the familiar crack of a sniper's rifle going off, followed by the panicked screams of the peasants trying to figure out where the attack was coming from.

Seriously, after the headaches they had to deal with because of Cora or Lal being recognized so much and the backwater idiots thinking they stood a chance, she had more or less learned to ignore the screams.

Snow White would probably be horrified beyond belief, and be all hero about it while trying to stop the madness. But then again it was that time of the month for Emma and she was in a foul mood because of the headaches she had to deal with in a realm where magic was real.

And really, the idea of Regina finding some insane way of bonding with an older sister with every reason to be pissed with their mother and have it out for her younger sister for being raised by that shrew by terrorizing the locals with something that didn't involve magic was so her that it wasn't even funny.

It was _hilarious_. So long as she was not required to give a damn about 'helping the locals' or clean up after the mess. She would also not be surprised if Regina somehow found a way to introduce her older sister to one of the other Arcobaleno and then Zelena ended up with one of them. Most of the men in that group were hot as hell and twice as deadly.

They also wouldn't bat an eye at her habits so long as they didn't have to deal with the fall out or hear people whine. They were mafia, after all and they can and probably have done far worse.

(And if she privately wanted to have a good roll in the hay with Reborn or one of the others, well, she doubted Lal would fault her so long as she kept her hands off her husband.)

They had been there for one night already, and she was already experiencing a fraction of what it was like being on the semi-good side of a "major villain". Then again, Regina had actual collateral that she knew Zelena would be interested in and Zelena would likely agree to send them home if only so she had a chance to speak to Cora alone without the potential distraction of the fact Regina was currently pregnant...and thus of extreme interest for Cora.

If only so the witch could get her hands on the still forming infant once the sprog popped out so she could mold it to her liking.

Seeing the 'innocent' expressions on Zelena and Lal's face, Emma snorted.

"Even Reborn wouldn't fall for that look. I know you were terrorizing the peasants."

"I must admit, this other world sounds _fascinating_ ," said Zelena with dark glee.

"Uh-huh. No harassing the idiots unless I can either join in or have iron-clad plausible deniability as to what the two of you were doing," said Emma flatly.

Lal smirked.

"Now you see why she's my favorite Charming. Snow was way too heroic for my tastes."

Zelena could only agree. She never thought it would be this easy to bond with her younger, foolish half-sister...but then again sometimes all you needed is a shared hobby and a reason to actually talk.

And Emma was surprisingly easy to get along with, for the daughter of a hero. She didn't actually _try_ to endear herself to Zelena, and yet the two clicked as semi-decent friends anyway.

After all, if anyone understood what it was like to be abandoned by their parents and have a string of bad relationships, it was them.

That...and apparently Regina's husband was _kind_ enough to send some strong alcohol Zelena had never tried before, which had the two of them comparing their horrific childhoods.

"Wait... so I'm going to be an aunt."

"If you want to have a chance away from the monotony and boredom of being the 'Wicked Witch' without having people judge you for your evil deeds, you're welcome to join us," said Lal. She pulled out her phone and brought up a picture of her friends. "The blond with his arm around me is my husband."

Zelena took one look at the attractive men and looked at her sister with a dead serious expression on her face.

"Are any of them single?"

"Almost all of them save for Colonello and possibly Fon. If anything I'd say you might be to Reborn's tastes...he's the one in black with the orange band around his hat and the odd sideburns. Of course Verde would probably _love_ to play around your habit of turning people into monkeys, if only to see how that works exactly. Fon is the one in red and Verde has the green hair and glasses."

"Wait, Fon's dating someone?" asked Emma. Lal gave her a smirk.

"You do realize he's been flirting with you rather consistently since you arrived. You're a semi-good influence on his adopted daughter and he enjoys teaching you a few new moves, since you actually pay attention and don't mock his love of martial arts. Besides, you actually _like_ that spicy cooking of his."

Emma perked up at that. Fon was seriously hot and definitely her type. Now that she thought about it, she had noticed he was partially flirting with her after their lessons and the kids had been nudging them towards each other.

"Who are the others?"

"Skull is the one with the purple hair and face paint. Viper is the one in the hood. Aria is the only other girl, since this was taken after her mother Luce died."

"So what's this Reborn like?"

Zelena's love life was pretty much nonexistent and he was attractive as hell.

"A complete and utter ass, one who takes far too much amusement in getting one over people. He kills people for money, but he has certain morals that he refuses to budge on... like children for instance. He won't take a contract that would harm or kill a child. He also has an extensive closet of outfits that are rather outlandish and allows him to disguise himself. He wouldn't give a damn about your past so long as you could accept his, and he's quiet well know for being a womanizer. Skull is a coward, but he doesn't hesitate to help his friends out even if he scared out of his mind. Verde has very loose morals and is more akin to Dr. Frankenstein, but with a far superior understanding of science and an actual ability to make his creations work. Viper is a miser and if you try to cheat him out of his money he'll screw your mind over without a second thought."

"And they would be okay with your sister showing up with you, even after everything I've done."

"You're family and you're not a complete bitch like our mother. Besides, most of us have killed and will kill again... you just turn people into flying monkeys and aren't afraid to get your hands dirty to get annoyances like that twit Dorothy out of your way," said Lal shrugging. Then she grinned at Emma. "You have no idea how happy I am that you're more of a light aligned neutral than a _hero_."

"Yeah, no. I'll let them call me a Savior but anyone with a brain knows that the hero gets screwed over more often than not trying to be the good guy and not actually dealing with problems permanently. I'd rather be a neutral than anything close to what my parents would like," grimaced Emma. She wouldn't start cursing people with this magic stuff, but she wasn't afraid to shoot someone in the ass to make a point.

* * *

 _In Storybrooke_

"I don't believe it," said Verde, staring at the results. Maleficent had wandered into his lab at one point, mostly to get away from the idiots who painted her with the same brush as Regina...or Lal.

"What does this say?" asked the sorceress.

"According to this, I-Pin is your granddaughter."

"What?!" said Maleficent in shock.

"Your DNA matches up enough that you are at least her cousin, but considering what Fon has told me of her life before he adopted her, it's more likely you're her grandmother. That dragon form is genetic, isn't it? If she's that closely related to you, then she should be able to pull it off," said Verde.

Maleficent felt a spark of hope in her chest. For so long she had feared the worst for her child, but now she had confirmation that her daughter was in fact alive. Alive and well, if she had given birth to a daughter of her own.

Though the only reason she knew she had a daughter was because Fon had mentioned he had met I-Pin's father briefly before his death.

She didn't know the circumstances behind why her possible grandchild had been left somewhere for Fon to adopt her, but at least now she had something to work with.

She was still pissed at Snow White and her husband though.

Fon took the news about I-Pin's potential heritage well enough. She was still his daughter in every way that mattered, she just had blood family that was willing to share.

Though he would admit to cooing over how adorable she was when I-Pin managed to unlock her dragon form, complete with weak flames. She was a bit too small to actually fly just yet, but she still had a lot of growing to do.

"Too cute," said Fon, hugging the tiny lizard to him. I-Pin clumsily curled around his neck like a cat, happily growling next to him as he stroked her spine and scales. "Of course you know this means you're definitely going to learn how to use my dragon attack later."

I-Pin's growl was cheerful hearing that. She loved her papa.

"So I-Pin has a dragon grandmother, while all I got is a bunch of boring heroes..." said Henry, almost sulking.

"Didn't Lal say that you were related to Mr. Gold, who taught her how to use magic?" said Colonello grinning at him. Henry perked up at that. "Wait for me to clear it with her before you ask for lessons."

Henry's puppy dog eyes were cute, but not really effective.

Colonello wrote a note and got a reply back almost five minutes later.

"She said it's fine so long as he knows you're not to learn how to rip out hearts until you're at _least_ fifteen. They're going to be coming home soon enough, so she's fine with him teaching you the basics," said Colonello. Henry let out a whoop, before going to visit Mr. Gold's shop.

Gold looked at Henry. Colonello chuckled.

"Lal and Emma might be coming home soon with one extra. They've had Cora gagged for over a week while Lal bonds with her sister by terrorizing the locals. And since Maleficent found out she had a granddaughter who can turn into a dragon, Henry wants to learn magic. She's fine with you teaching him the basics so long as he doesn't learn how to rip out hearts until he's at least fifteen," explained Colonello. "Far be it for us to keep Henry from bonding with his grandfather...so long as it's not Charming."

Gold perked up that. Baelfire had always hated magic because didn't like the way his father was so obsessed with power. So much so that he had used a magic bean to run away to a place Gold couldn't easily follow.

So he wasn't about to pass up the chance to bond with his grandson over magic, since he had acquired quite a few of Regina's rather lax morals when it came to what was right and wrong. If anything Regina was more of a neutral these days than evil.

"I can teach him after school," offered Gold.

Henry grinned happily... this was going to be awesome.

"Oh, and Verde said he'd be interesting in seeing exactly how potions work, so if you're planning to teach Henry how to make one let him know. He wants to know if it's anything like advanced chemistry like he suspects, just with magic adding a little extra flavor."

Gold didn't mind. Verde was delightfully amoral when it came to experiments, while at the same time having a much broader acceptance for the 'added flavor' caused by magic than Frankenstein ever did. Considering he had his own power that defied conventional science, it was understandable.

He still had yet to find out where Regina found such delightful allies and minions who were actually _competent_ and didn't balk at getting their hands dirty. He kept forgetting to ask.


	15. Chapter 15

It was another peaceful day...right up until someone spotted the travel storm heading into town.

The green tornado piqued the scientific curiosity of Verde, but it disappeared before he could get any proper measurements.

Fortunately what it deposited more than made up for his minor disappointment at not getting there fast enough to study it.

Three women were more or less laid out flat for a few moments at the rough landing.

"Mom!" shouted Henry, recognizing two of them immediately.

"I hate magical travel," said Lal.

"Ditto," groaned Emma.

"This is what you came up with?" said the third woman.

"I didn't have much to work with and I wasn't going to live in the same place I left. It might spark their memories," said Lal.

"Lal! Babe, are you alright?" asked Colonello.

"I just got dumped back here in a tornado. _DO I LOOK ALRIGHT?!_ " snapped Lal.

"Yup, you're alright," said Colonello grinning. "So who's this?"

"My sister Zelena. Apparently she's more interested in dating a real man who isn't turned off by the whole 'Wicked Witch' thing and still looks hot," said Lal with a straight face.

"I have only one question. Who summoned that odd tornado, and can you do a repeat?" asked Verde bluntly.

"Possibly, just not at the moment," said Zelena, blinking.

"Are you the same sister who turns people into winged monkeys that actually fly?" asked Verde.

"Yes."

Verde's grin was anything but comforting. Strangely she didn't feel all that alarmed by it.

"I have so many experiments I've love your help with, and plenty of victims for us to play around with," said Verde.

Zelena looked to her sister who was just amused.

"Is this the general level of interest I'm going to be getting?"

"You're family and so long as you don't target anyone on the 'do not touch' list we won't give a crap. We're not exactly _heroes_ after all," snarked Lal.

Zelena grinned. She had the feeling she was going to enjoy herself here. Being in control and feared was one thing, but after a certain point it just got _boring_.

This, on the other hand? Being accepted as a villain and no one really giving a damn so long as she left certain people alone? She could get used to this...especially if it came complete with some very nice eye candy.

"So anything interesting happen while we were gone?"

"Maleficent is I-Pin's grandmother, and I-Pin can turn into a really adorable dragon," said Colonello.

"Somehow that doesn't actually shock me, but I bet she's beyond thrilled having a grandkid to spoil," deadpanned Lal. "And before I forget, I took some pictures of Cora to share around. If she shows up I want our people to know about it, if only to avoid her usual antics. Let the hero's faction deal with her bullshit."

As in Lal didn't want to deal with the headaches of Cora with remotely competent help from people with rather loose morals. The 'hero faction', aka everyone who had been caught by the curse were barely useful and more about hopeful optimism than actual skill.

The 'Neutral faction' as Lal cheerfully called it, was full of people who got shit done, even if they weren't _nice_ about it in the process. Most of which were ex-mafia and the Arcobaleno. Emma and surprisingly enough Gold were part of this faction, with Belle a tentative member since she was still getting used to the new Regina.

The 'Evil' faction likely going to be any new villains trying to cause trouble, I/E Cora and her ilk, which would result in the neutrals having to side with the 'good guys' just to get any peace around here.

Lal liked having clearly defined factions. It made things so much simpler when it came to determining who was likely to screw her and her people over long term.

Gold certainly found it amusing when she had spelled it out for him.

Verde was a magic-sent miracle, Lal would claim. He took the picture of Cora and tied it to a facial recognition software along with aliases she _might_ use to fool the neutrals into believing she could be trusted.

If a new face came into town that didn't seem to fit any particular group, then all her people needed to do was hold their phone up or look for her picture to know who and what she was and to avoid her.

All the ex-mafia had to hear was "manipulative bitch with a habit of removing hearts without killing you" to know she was more trouble than she was worth.

Gold found this positively hilarious.

 _Two days later_

"Well good news is that the trip didn't hurt the kid. If anything it seems to have sped up the pregnancy a little bit. You're at least four months along," said Shamal cheerfully as he examined the ultrasound.

"And the bad news?"

"You're still in a high risk pregnancy and should avoid anything that might strain the baby until you're at least seven to eight months along," said Shamal without hesitation.

"Any idea what the gender is going to be?" asked Lal.

"Not this early," said Shamal.

Lal carefully got off the bed. Inter-realm travel was hell on her stomach.

"Thanks for seeing me."

"Considering you gave me a chance to be a doctor without having to rely on my other skill set? No problem," said Shamal.

* * *

Lal would happily admit to recording the fact Emma punched her birth mother in the face for dumping them in what was left of the Enchanted Forest.

Snow had looked upset, but she had totally deserved it. If she had left well enough alone they never would have been stuck in a realm where ogres were a genuine threat and not an after thought, or peasants who took one look at Lal and tried to form a lynch mob!

"For the love of god, leave the 'magical' solutions alone and deal with the fact that I have very little reason to want to bond with you instantly like you seem to think should happen. Even I wasn't stupid enough to think I'd have some immediate connection to Henry when he brought me here," said Emma angrily. "I barely _know_ you two and I have almost thirty years of being all alone with no idea who my parents are or even if they cared to deal with."

Snow looked hurt, hearing that.

"I just want to make up for lost time."

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe you wouldn't _have_ to make up for lost time if you hadn't abandoned me?" said Emma coldly. "I mean this town is boring as hell, but Lal didn't really do much to oppress you idiots with the curse active. She didn't make an arbitrary laws or rules that would make living here completely unbearable."

"You have no idea what she was like!" said Snow.

"News flash Princess, it's called a _monarchy_ for a reason. The only real difference between your rule and hers is the fact you wouldn't take your bad day out on everyone else. You'd still have tax collectors robbing everyone blind, the occasional corrupt official that takes advantage of the people and the standard threats that come from idiots trying to expand their borders. If it bothered you that much you should have made a democracy or something."

Emma had, in a fit of boredom, looked up the different types of government. Then she compared to what little the Storybook told her of Regina's rule as the Evil Queen to the examples throughout history and what would have changed after Snow White took over.

She had quite a bit of fun comparing the two with Henry, only to conclude that the actual issue between Regina and Snow was that their kingdoms were too close and tended to clash over the fact that they shared too many of the same borders and thus peasantry. It really didn't help that Snow had gotten Regina's boyfriend killed by blabbing, which only made the animosity between them worse.

Snow didn't look happy, but Emma was used to that. Maybe once the princess removed her rose-tinted glasses they could find some common ground, but for now Emma barely tolerated being around her birth mother.

Emma went to pick Henry up from the bus stop.

"Mary Margaret try to bond with you again?" he guessed.

"How could you tell?"

"You always get this irritable expression on your face when she tries to reach out," said Henry.

"How goes living with your pregnant mom?" asked Emma.

"At least the morning sickness is over with," grimaced Henry. "Other than that, Dad's been having hit and miss when it comes to her weird cravings and she has a habit of breaking out shuriken to throw at him if he gets the wrong thing."

"You mean the paper ones?" blinked Emma.

"No, I mean she has actual shuriken from Uncle Fon to throw at dad and then has me collect them once she runs out," grinned Henry. "Uncle Fon said that once her hormones calm down he'll teach me how to throw them, since he only gave her a set of twenty to play with. He keeps claiming he's not a ninja, and yet he knows how to use those and kunai."

Emma snickered at that.

"Think I should have a few ninja and badly dubbed martial arts movies in the theater?" she asked innocently.

Henry grinned at that.

"Uncle Fon hates the double dubbed movies because it gives amateurs _ideas_ ," said Henry snickering.

"Yeah, but it would make it even more amusing to poke fun at how bad their skills are during a date," said Emma without thinking.

"I knew you had the hots for uncle Fon!" grinned Henry.

"Have you seen him?" said Emma incredulous, not denying it. "I mean Reborn is pretty hot, but Fon is a bit easier to get along with. You're not going to tell me to avoid dating him are you?"

"Having Uncle Fon as a step-dad would be awesome and it would make I-Pin family. Just don't give me any details... I don't need to hear about your sex life," said Henry grimacing.

"Just wait... I bet Lal has plenty of baby pictures to share with me that we can spring on your dates," Emma promised darkly. Henry made a face at that.

Once she dropped Henry off at Fon's restaurant, she made a call to her boss.

"Hey Skull, think you could pick up some new movies?"

" _What kind?"_ asked Skull, his voice tiny and ridiculous due to the curse.

"Some badly dubbed martial arts or ninja movies. They can even be the animated ones like _Naruto_ or something... I'm sure Henry would love it."

" _...Finally making a move on Fon?"_ asked Skull. You could hear his grin.

"Can you think of a better way to break the ice than making fun of badly choreographed martial arts movies that give idiots ideas of being a kung-fu master or a ninja?" she grinned.

Skull laughed.

" _I'll start tracking down some of the older movies and some of the new anime ones for Henry and I-Pin. I should be in around a month or so with the new reels,"_ said Skull.

"We could even do a Godzilla movie marathon. Just don't bring the one that was in New York. That one sucked."

" _I knew there was a reason I liked you!"_ said Skull happily. _"I should have the King Kong and Mothra reels somewhere around in storage, so have fun with those."_

Emma had a new task for the week...tracking down the old Mothra movies and possibly the King Kong ones.

* * *

Baelfire, normally called Neal these days, was having a very weird month and a half.

It had started with the card alerting him the curse had been broken. That wasn't too unexpected, as he had known it would happen eventually.

That wasn't the weird part. The weird part came when he started to notice people stalking him.

People who were clearly looking for someone fitting his description that definitely _weren't_ magical or from the Enchanted Forest and looked like someone from the criminal side of this world.

People he had avoided purely because he had enough trouble being the son of the Dark One and didn't want to get involved with organized crime. He wasn't _stupid_.

Neal was halfway home after another day of dodging the odd stalkers when it happened. There was a blow to the stomach that winded him, followed by the sharp pain of a needle that left him drowsy. Someone caught him before he crashed onto the ground, but it was pretty clear what was happening even before he blacked out.

He was being kidnapped. For what reason he had no idea, he just hoped no one was trying to exploit his past against him.


	16. Chapter 16

Gold was very nervous. Regina's contacts had found his son, or at least the person Emma claimed was most likely Henry's birth father (Viper's illusion had given them a face to work with) and were delivering him to a prearranged location inside Storybrooke.

Regina had made it clear neither of them were going to be leaving the room until the air had been more or less cleared between them, and that there wouldn't be a repeat of Baelfire using magic to get away. He was going to have to talk to his father whether he liked it or not, and settle things between them.

And afterwards he would have to deal with a very pissed off Emma who had never fully forgiven him for abandoning her to be arrested, only to learn that she was pregnant. She wanted one good hit on her ex-boyfriend for that stunt.

The blood orb he got from Cora lit up when the car arrived, indicating someone of close relation was within range. Hope sprang in his chest, as that meant the probability this 'Neal' was his son had shot up considerably.

He had to wait a few hours before the drugs wore off...apparently Bae had been much closer than he could have guessed, if the retrieval team had been able to bring him straight to Storybrooke so soon after nabbing him.

However his son took one look at him and scowled.

"How did you find me?" he demanded. "Scratch that, how did you get a bunch of thugs to kidnap me?"

Before he could say anything, Regina came in with some aspirin and water.

"He did nothing. _I'm_ the one who put out the contract for your retrieval alive and intact to our location in exchange for his help. You're not a prisoner here but you _will_ have an actual talk with him before you're allowed to leave," she said flatly. "And that's before Emma has _words_ with you for abandoning her."

Baelfire looked at Lal with confusion, before recognition hit.

"How does the Evil Queen have contacts with organized crime enough to put out a kidnapping order?" he asked baffled.

"If you really want to know, then you'll have to stick around. However for future reference, Emma likes me better than her birth mother since Snow still has those rose-tinted glasses on and keeps trying to rush things. Let's just say that the underworld contacts and the kidnapping order are really the least of it."

"Emma's here?"

"As is someone else who wants to have words with you for your stunt," agreed Regina.

Henry was adamant about punching his birth dad in the stomach for hurting his mom. So much so that he had dove into training with Colonello and Fon just to land a proper hit.

Baelfire looked at his father, and tried not to let the hurt he had from the fact Rumpelstiltskin apparently cared more about his magic and power than his own son show. He had a lot of practice with it.

 _Outside the room_

"So what do you think?" asked Colonello, wrapping his arms around his wife.

"I think it's going to take more than just a long overdue chat before he realizes he's a damn idiot and how badly he screwed up," said Lal.

Henry, when he had heard the 'reasons' why Baelfire had fled the Enchanted Forest and left his father behind all alone, had called the man an idiot who didn't think of the big picture at all. It really didn't help that his father had also abandoned his mom when she needed him.

Gold had been surprised by the way Henry had been disgusted at the fact Baelfire had fled the Enchanted Forest simply because he didn't like the fact his father now had magic.

Seeing the door open and Gold leave with a disappointed look on his face, they waited for a few moments. Emma walked in and came out twenty minutes later looking very pissed off and in a foul mood.

"Well?"

"Apparently Pinocchio told him I had to break the curse, which wouldn't have happened if we had stayed together. So he left me behind so that I could 'fulfill my role' as the Savior, as if that was the only option he had. I am getting really sick and tired of these damn roles that these idiots insist on. Like it's impossible for the Evil Queen to mellow out or the Wicked Witch to get tired of having to deal with the boredom of being in charge," said Emma in disgust.

"What did you do to him?" asked Lal.

"Punched him in the jaw. Pretty sure I heard _something_ break under my fist," said Emma.

Neal rubbed his jaw. He knew Emma would be pissed when she found out why he had left, but he wasn't expecting her to punch him that hard...or take the Evil Queen's side.

Finding the door unlocked and no one trying to stop him, he left the room.

It took him a few minutes to find the exit and wonder what exactly had happened for things he knew to be true to change so much.

He was a bit surprised when he realized that the Evil Queen was pregnant...and married from the ring he saw on her hand.

Looking around the town, he noticed a few things.

One, there were apparently two distinct 'factions' in the town. Some were people he recognized from the Enchanted Forest or had at least heard about. The others felt more like the thugs who kidnapped him, except more competent.

Two, while most of the town felt like a quaint backwoods town that was kept out of time, there were a few oddities that stood out because they were more modern. Such as the coffee bar, the theater and a tasteful Chinese restaurant.

Three... was that the Wicked Witch chatting with a man with green hair and a crocodile? WTF?

"Kaimen is an alligator, not a crocodile, plebeian," said the man with green hair without looking.

Neal stared.

"How..."

"I've developed an internal radar for fools who can't tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator upon meeting Kaimen," sniffed the obvious scientist. "You must be Gold's son Baelfire, or 'Neal', as Emma called you. Have you run into Henry yet?"

"Who?"

"That would be a no."

Henry, as it turned out, was a boy who had yet to hit puberty that looked entirely too familiar. A sinking feeling came into his gut.

Emma hadn't been pregnant when he left, had she?

Seeing those all too familiar eyes look at him, that feeling got worse.

That was probably why he wasn't able to dodge the very painful blow to the solar plexus in time.

"That's for leaving my mom all alone, jerk!" said Henry with a scowl.

Neal was having too much trouble breathing to ask anything.

"Henry, exactly how hard did you hit him?" asked Emma.

"I only put in half the power needed to break a board," said Henry with confusion. "He shouldn't have any internal bleeding, unless Uncle Fon has been leading me on to how strong I actually am."

"Henry... most kids don't have dads that had them going through basic military training that includes running with heavy backpacks up hills," said Emma slowly. "Other than that, good hit. If you can take Neal down with one hit then any perverts trying to grab you won't stand a chance."

Henry grinned at her. Neal just groaned.

If Neal was thrown off by the situation in town (apparently the two factions thing was more accurate than he could have guessed... at this point he was considered a tentative member of the "hero" faction) then it was nothing compared to the hard shock he got from learning his father was teaching Henry, who he suspected was his _son_ , magic.

Unlike him, Henry clearly had no problem with learning how to use it...even if his ability to do so was hit or miss at this point.

Seeing Neal nearby, Gold ended their lessons for the day.

"I thought this was the Land Without Magic?"

Henry snorted.

"Magic exists everywhere, it's just harder to access it outside the town wards. The saturation levels for it are too low," said Henry, quoting something Verde had told him when he asked that.

In fact according to Verde's research, the Arcobaleno pacifiers were meant to keep the magic levels in this particular realm at a stable rate...at the cost of the poor bastards who had to _wear_ the things.

According to what he had found out, being in an area saturated with fresh magic was _weakening_ the curse on the pacifiers, which was why they were able to take their proper ages in Storybrooke.

Which really begged the question of what would happen if those cursed went to the Enchanted Forest. Lal hadn't thought about it, but she had noticed her Flames moving a bit easier in that land compared to the town.

It was possible that they might be able to _remove_ the pacifiers entirely if they went to an area saturated in natural magics for the cursed artifacts to siphon off, rather than their Flames.

Considering Zelena had a small amount of magic beans that allowed realm travel in her possession (they had taken them all to keep Cora from easily following them), there was a high chance they might be able to rid themselves of the curse.

Of course Verde might not have been able to make that connection if Gold hadn't realized that what the pacifiers actually _did_.

Neal looked at his son, only barely paying attention to his father.

"I'm sure you have questions."

"Why did you leave her?" asked Henry.

"I had to, otherwise the curse wouldn't have broken."

"That's your best excuse?" said Henry scowling. "For someone who's so twitchy around magic you certainly seem to go out of your way to insure that things follow the same pattern that is common in the Enchanted Forest."

"Twitchy?" Neal repeated.

"You ran away because you were scared of magic, despite the fact that without it Grandpa wouldn't have been able to keep you from being used as cannon fodder in a ridiculous fight against the ogres. Considering the number of villains like Cora in that realm, do you really think he would have stood a chance against them without that sort of edge?"

Neal wasn't the only one to blink at that. Rumpelstiltskin looked at his grandson like this was the first time he was seeing him.

Seeing he didn't get it, Henry explained it the same way Lal had when he asked her why she used magic so often as Regina.

"That place was full of things that could kill you easily unless you were actually competent and there was a distinct lack of real combat training outside the nobility and even that wasn't much to speak of unless you had some grand destiny as a hero. Is it really that shocking that the only way for people to adapt in such a magic rich environment is to learn how to use spells and potions to get an edge? And considering the number of territorial disputes because of all the 'kingdoms' in that realm, it's not that shocking that there would be a few people who didn't like having to share their borders or their tax payers with some prince or princess who was raised spoiled and didn't understand responsibility correctly."

Neal had to blink at that.

"You seem to have a pretty good idea of how things were in a place you've never even seen."

"Emma decided to compare Mom's reign as the Evil Queen to past monarchs in history and figured out the real reason there was a lot of tension between her and Snow White. It didn't help that Snow blabbed to the wrong person about Mom's boyfriend at the time. And really, having that many kingdoms and castles in one realm within such easy travel distance is just asking for trouble and territorial disputes...magic just added a bit more flavor," shrugged Henry.

Rumpelstiltskin considered that and realized Henry had a point. You couldn't really swing a cat without hitting some castle or another with a spoiled prince, princess or pissed off monarch in the Enchanted Forest. Really made you wonder how they funded those monstrosities with so many royals and nobility in such a small area.

"So you're learning magic?" asked Neal, trying to change the subject.

"I-Pin can turn into a dragon, so Mom said it was okay if I used this as a way to bond with grandpa... But I'm not to learn how to take people's hearts until I'm at least fifteen," scowled Henry.

Neal had to blink.

"Who's I-Pin?"

"Maleficent's granddaughter and Uncle Fon's adopted daughter," said Henry, as if he should know who Fon was. "How long have you been in town?"

"I've only been here for two days," commented Neal.

"No wonder you don't know anything," said Henry cheekily.

It was really hard to miss the fact he was Rumpelstiltskin's grandson with an attitude like that. Rumpelstiltskin certainly seemed amused by the entire thing.

Hearing the bell jingle, Neal turned to find an obvious military man with blond hair, warm blue eyes and an easy grin on his face.

"Hey kiddo. Have fun with your grandpa?"

"I still can't get the levitation spell down," scowled Henry.

"You'll get it eventually. Ready to go?"

Henry picked up his school bag and followed the blonde out.

"Who was that?" asked Neal.

"Christopher Mills, or 'Colonello', Regina's husband and Henry's adopted father," said Gold easily. "You'll find quite a few 'truths' you knew about the Evil Queen and others have changed quite a bit if you stay. She actually has minions that are moderately competent now."

Neal could believe it. Regina was far more 'mellow' compared to what little he knew about her, though apparently now it was Snow White causing most of the friction between the two. Regina had adopted a 'not my problem' approach to the princess. So long as she didn't have to deal with the brat, she was content to ignore the fact that Snow existed.

In short his mental equilibrium with his past had been firmly thrown into question, which meant he had to figure out what the hell was going on before he left. If only for his own peace of mind.

One thing he did know for certain... he had blown it big time with Emma, if the fact she was cheerfully flirting with the Chinese man who owned the only decent restaurant in town was any indication.

From what little he had been able to figure out by discreetly (though the look this Fon had given him said he wasn't that good at it) listening in, Emma had convinced her boss to bring in several cheesy martial arts movies and a few ninja ones to break the ice with this Fon guy, who apparently disliked the genre because it gave fools who thought they could imitate something he spent most of his life learning.

Emma had requested them so Fon could have someone to mock the skill level of the actors with, and it worked.

It also made Neal wince, if only because it emphasized how badly he had screwed up his chances with her.


	17. Chapter 17

Henry was having the nightmares again. The burning place that was positively terrifying.

Finally he had enough and told his mother...who promptly dragged him to Gold.

"It's a side effect of the sleeping curse. When awakened from their slumber, occasionally victims will travel to a netherworld. And I can assure you, it's quite real," said Gold.

"So the fire..."

"Isn't some figment of your imagination," said Gold firmly.

Lal did not look happy.

"How do we control this?"

"I can give him something that would allow him some form of control over his dreams," said Gold, already pulling out a kit. "Once you have control over it, the fear should stop and the nightmares will eventually fade away."

"This fire...what happens if he gets too close to it?"

"Fire burns, dearie. You should know that," said Gold condescendingly.

Lal had an unhappy look on her face.

"Not if he had something to act as a shield against it," said Lal.

Henry looked at his mother.

"I really, really didn't want to do this until you were thirteen. Especially not until we got back from Italy, since they have a way of sensing it's presence," said Lal. "I'm going to teach you how to activate your Dying Will Flames. It's not really spoken of since most people figure this out pretty quick, but having Active Flames does provide some measure of protection from fire. The amount of protection depends on the purity and power behind it, but at the very least it would mitigate some of the heat."

Henry perked up at that.

"You mean I can be like you and dad?"

"Just so we're clear, we are going to train your ass off after this."

"Don't you already?" asked Henry, tilting his head.

"Don't be a smartass," snarked Lal.

"What's this about Italy?"

"I was planning a family vacation after the curse broke...right up until I found out I was pregnant. If we can get these stupid pacifiers off us permanently I can give your bookworm a crash course on the language so she can properly enjoy the sights," said Lal. "It was mostly for a family bonding experience, and magic only knows how much fun could be had watching the idiots in the Cosa Nostra handle your deals."

Gold smirked.

"Sounds like it would be fun."

Lal's smirk was almost as evil as his.

"Considering it's the place I've been getting most of my 'minions' as you've called them, you're almost certain to enjoy it."

Gold perked up at that.

"And since you unlocked what was left of Regina there would be an easy way for us to get what we both want and keep Henry."

"And what's that?"

"In the underworld, Skies are considered 'royalty' to the point that they can create their own 'courts' and still rule territory. However there are enforcers that keep the rival courts from simply slaughtering each other outright or revealing magic to the civilians. Now, the second people figure out you're Flame Active, they're going to try to drag you into a family or use Belle as collateral... _unless_ you are already part of one with enough strong players to keep the bigger fish from bothering you. They'll just assume anything you're doing is to add power to the family you're part of."

"You said that the orange fire was that of a 'sky'. Which means you want to be in charge."

"Hardly. I just want them to think I am so they'll leave us alone and won't try to drag us into someone else's turf," said Lal dismissively. "But if you claim you're with us, then you and Belle can have a nice merry vacation while gaining power in the underworld so long as you don't piss off the enforcers doing it. She gets protection, I get something close to a friendly alliance with you for as long as our truce over Henry holds, and we all get to laugh when Cora figures out where we are and ends up arrested."

"How can you be so certain that is what will happen?" asked Gold.

"She's a manipulative bitch, but her methods are pretty much predictable. And I'm giving you an edge that she won't have...namely a list of things not to do in order to keep the enforcers, who are called the Vindice, from coming after you. Considering popular opinion is that they're undead, I highly doubt that heart magic would work on them in the first place... that and their Flames don't work like normal ones do, so the odds of magic effecting them like it should are debatable at best. If they can keep several generations of people used to killing for a living into behaving with something close to order, then odds are they can handle Cora. They are strictly neutral and have never taken sides with _anyone_ and I doubt that she could bribe them of anything they'd consider of worth since she has very limited knowledge of this world," said Lal smugly.

Gold looked at her oddly.

"How certain are you that these creatures can't be bought?"

"Let me put it this way, if I had to deal with you pissed off and in the mood to send something nasty after me like a wraith, or them trying to arrest me, I'd rather deal with you," deadpanned Lal without hesitation. "Besides, I've seen them before and I'm fairly certain they've once held the same curse that I have now. If I'm right, then I have the feeling they'll be very interested in learning that there may be a way to remove it permanently."

Henry couldn't help the yawn he let out...the nightmares were really messing with his sleep schedule and he hadn't had a decent night's sleep in over two weeks. He was starting to look like a panda at this rate.

* * *

It was a very odd moment when Belle walked into the shop and found her beau talking to Skull about a subject she had never considered.

What made a coward, a coward.

She had known that Rumple was a bit of a coward at heart, something that had always gnawed at him inside since it cost him his son.

So hearing him talk openly about his actions with someone who dressed and acted so outlandishly was a bit of a surprise. Though not as much as the way he seemed to relax around Skull to the point there wasn't even a hint of his usual snark and Dark One persona.

Belle was openly fascinated and the men didn't mind her listening in while drinking tea...Rumple still had her favorite chipped cup.

"So you're the one who talked to Henry about the situation in the Enchanted Forest and how having magic was a good thing."

"Neal is an idiot, but then again he was raised with a peasant's education through no fault of yours and he only ever saw magic used against commoners. The fact he became a thief isn't entirely surprising, in retrospect, but he needs to face the fact that actions have consequences," said Skull dismissively. "I will admit he's gotten a bit better... Emma's at least talking to him about Henry now, though she's still pissed he agreed with August into leaving her instead of offering to _help_ break the stupid curse."

August, or rather Pinocchio had been the one to convince Neal into leaving Emma and turning her in. He had either been unaware or didn't give a damn that they had had a physical relationship and that there might be a chance she was pregnant when she was arrested.

While it had worked out in the long run, there were so many ways it could have gone badly. It was fortunate that magic had a habit of drawing like to like...in this case Lal's desire for companionship beyond a dog had lead to her adopting the grandson of Snow White and the Dark One. Two people Lal had a personal connection with on more than one level, even if it wasn't a good one.

"How is he?"

"He apparently had a run in with your dad and spent a lot of time with Hook and the Lost Boys," said Skull bluntly. He wasn't going to sugar coat it. "That didn't help his dislike of magic, by the way, but at least he's starting to come round about the reason why you were so reluctant to give it up."

Belle paid intense interest now, not that the two cared.

"What exactly happened?" she asked, since it was clear they were tolerating her presence.

Rumple winced. Skull, who had gotten the general story from the book and the rest of the details from Neal (or his side anyway), elaborated so his friend didn't have to.

"The long and short of it was that Gold refused to give up magic and Neal apparently had the _bright_ idea to flee to a world he knew jack about because he didn't like the fact that his dad had become the Dark One. He never once gave two thoughts about _why_ his father did something so risky or why he refused to follow like anyone with common freaking sense would."

Belle looked at him. Skull gave her his undivided attention as he explained why Rumple had been smart about _staying_ in a place he was already familiar with rather than go to a world he knew nothing about like a damn idiot.

"Let's start with the simple parts. Gold has very little if any experience fighting normally, since he fled from a battle that was certain to get him killed and leave his wife a widow and his son without a father. There's also the fact that he _injured_ himself in doing so, though why he hasn't fixed that already considering he has the power to do it I have no idea, which leaves him even more vulnerable without something to defend himself with. The Enchanted Forest from what I've heard was full of a lot of different villains who wouldn't hesitate to use his son as collateral against him unless he was a bigger, badder bastard than they were...like Cora for instance. Now since he was used to relying on his natural ability to use magic to defend himself and his son, how exactly do you think he'd fair in a world where the magical saturation is too low to feasibly use it without leaving him exhausted and vulnerable? Never mind being completely in the dark about the political and world situation with the various possible governments who would want to experiment on him because he's not from their world?"

Belle winced as she thought of the potential implications of that scenario. When he put it like that, staying put where you already knew how things worked was far more sensible, especially considering the time frame.

"Why did he leave then?" asked Belle.

"He was a teenager at the time. Teens do stupid shit without thinking _all_ the time," said Skull dismissively. "Add into his unease regarding magic and the fact his father had suddenly become one of the most dangerous people in the realm, and it's only obvious that he'd look for a way to equalize the situation to something a bit closer to the way things were when he actually felt comfortable around his father."

Skull paused to drink his tea, before continuing.

"The problem is that teenagers rarely think things through, so now he's resentful for the fact that his father clearly used his store of common sense to stay, rather than follow him. If anything I have to give Gold credit for caring about his son so much that he kept looking for him even after so many years have passed without a second thought. I couldn't count the number of dads would have given up entirely or disowned their kid over something as stupid as the idiot becoming a runaway after an argument."

Belle was fascinated, and it had become much easier to view Rumple's behavior with tolerance, rather than disapproval when hearing about the reasoning behind it from a sensible point of view.

And really, she could relate to Skull's comment about Rumple caring about his son so much he kept looking even without any real idea where to find him, when her own father had disowned her for not wanting to marry that fool Gaston and falling for the Dark One instead.

He was still furious about that, and would have sent her over the town lines if one of Regina's friends hadn't heard her scream for help. Fon was odd, but a nice man.


End file.
